Here it is. My last post. For all those that know me, know I love to send Christmas cards. This year I think I enjoyed receiving Christmas cards. We got at least one a day, and I love them. Thank you all for reading!! And I hope you follow me to my new blog home:
I am still getting around the site, but I have a couple posts up to get started. Really excited about this new chapter in my life and I hope you join me! Have a great 2013!
This weekend was filled with company Christmas parties, snowboarding (IN SNOW!!), sleigh rides, a dinner at a mountain cabin and even wedding dress shopping. With all these amazing things going on, it was hard not to think about/ discuss what happened in Newtown, CT. I tried to avoid the news, Facebook, all I could because I wasn't ready to hear how "there was nothing we could have done."
The finance and I headed home from a great Colorado weekend in Summitt County to catch the Broncos win and catch up on life at our apartment. The Sunday Night Football game was on, the Christmas tree glowing in the background:
Fiance: Do you hear something?
Me: No, it is just the TV.
Fiance: No, it sounds like bells. (I mute the game)
Me: I hear something, but where would bells be coming from? We both look outside and we see a large group of people heading down our street. They stopped at our corner.
Me: They are carolers, they are singing Christmas songs. At first I just opened the window to hear them, to confirm that this actually happens. In all of my previous 31 Christmases, I have never seen carolers. I got so excited, I grabbed my jacket and opened the front door.
Finace: Are you going outside?
Me: Yes. Other people are.
And there it was. A large group of carolers, singing. People from the neighborhood walked outside to watch, to listen. There is a retirement building across from me, I noticed many couples standing on their balconies. You could see people standing in windows, the little girls across the street came running out with their parents to get a front row seat in their lawn. As soon as they noticed we came out side to join them, the carolers started to wave and a few turned to face us, to sing to us and spread the true meaning of Christmas. I cried. At the end of the song, the neighbors clapped and cheered, it filled the quiet street. The carlors echoed, "Merry Christmas!" and moved on down the street. I didn't want them to go, I could have sat on our porch and listened to them all night.
Each year, I find it harder and harder to not get wrapped up in the commercialism of Christmas, to remember what it is about. This year with the saddness that has been in the news, on all levels, the carolers reminded me that showing a little love goes a long way and good will towards men is what Christmas is all about. Right Linus?
It was about three years ago that I started this blog. I didn't know what it would turn into, who would read it, if I would keep it up. I have readers come and go, some tell me about it, some not. Funny, some of my loyal readers I haven't seen in years and friends that I consider a big part of my life don't even know the link. Lately, the busier life gets the less I write.
I started to think about why I don't write as much as I used to, and I think it is because this blog was a place for emotion. Not always good. It was set up to let some people know as I was transitioning through life, I was okay. During the course of the blog I started to embrace where I was in life and very quickly started sharing my travels and dating stories. Then I met, the boyfriend, now fiancee. And I am happy. I am planning my wedding, something I almost convinced myself I would never have. I am ready to share that part of my life. It goes against what the blog became, for a long time.
I have decided to keep the blog going until the end of the year and then transition into a new one. I mean really, I don't even live in Texas anymore... people KNOW I am not a Cowboys fan. Let me know if you want the new web address when I get it going and I will also post it here for awhile, morgan.csu@gmail.com.
So after all the failed relationship, dating emails/ stories everyone has had the opportunity to enjoy over the last few years, I am super excited to write the final chapter of "single" Morgan.
It is December. I have plans from now until December 21. The boyfriend took the opportunity to send me a calendar invite for "Date night- Tree Erection and Decorating." We spent the weekend buying stuff to decorate our apartment and for the first time ever, I agreed to buy a real Christmas Tree.
I knew it was the last date night for a few weeks, so I took off work a little early to enjoy the night. We went to Pho. Which I love and little did the boyfriend know when I introduced him to Pho for the first time a year ago, how much he would love it and how big Vietnam would be for both of us in the next few months. We congratulated each other again for managing to go out and finish dinner before 5:45 pm.
The boyfriend picked the Christmas tree lot downtown, with no parking, surrounded by one-way streets. So we got to battle rush hour, loop around twice before he so gracefully parallel parked. We got the real, overpriced tree we both envisioned, jammed it into the back of his SUV and headed home.
The Boyfriend: Do you think this will be the first of many Christmas trees we put up?
Me: If you don't mess up.
Typical Morgan.
As he was fumbling around in the back of the house, I walked back there to ask him to get duct tape out of my car and I see him holding a little gift bag. **CRAP** He comes back in from the car, with the duct tape in hand. I knew I had messed up whatever he planned to give me so I started to mess with the extension cords...
The Boyfriend: Will you open the bag already? (as he is shaking nonstop)
It was a Christmas Ornament. "Our Home"
The Boyfriend: You know why I am giving you this ornament right?
And he got down on one knee. One year from the day we first told each other "I Love You" the boyfriend became the fiancee. I couldn't be happier, I love him, I love the ring and it was the best start to the holidays ever!!!
You know those days when your mind starts racing and for whatever reason you are worrying about everything that is not within your control? Those things that you can't do anything about? Why are we not friends anymore? Why is this person so selfish? Why is traffic so horrible? Why didn't I run today? I hate those days.
I hate those days because my life is great. And one small negative seed gets planted somewhere in my brian and it takes 24 hours to get it out. To distract me from focusing on the negative, I keep going back to the resolution list.
Stop trying to plot giving; do it spontaneously, and often.
Pick a new, favorite charity.
Every time you food shop, buy 2 extra cans of nonperishable items and donate them to a food bank.
I don't know why it popped in my head, but it did, to organize donations to the Denver Rescue Mission, I spontaneously reached out to my friends and coworkers. I have learned that sometimes just having the information in front of people will motivate them. The Denver Rescue Mission is close to where my good friends live and takes care of those in need that are so close to my home. I can't ignore the reason for the Mission. Thanksgiving is a great time to remember how lucky we really are and help those that are less fortunate. I am trying to make it a year round thing.
So while I continue to work on these resolutions:
Shift perspective on your situation once every day. Take five minutes to look at a situation, relationship, conflict, or so-called problem ongoing in your life from a completely new perspective every day. Hopefully, issues will not be so frequent that you’ll need to every day — but such a positive perspective-shifting practice as “reframing” helps us to break bad habits of thinking and realize that everything ain’t so bad after all.
Lose expectations. On purpose. And stop expecting specifics. We tend to believe that knowing, wanting and even demanding specifics will be the fastest path to seeing results. The truth, as I’ve learned, is that expectations actually hamper achievement and, maybe ironically, that decision-making without expectations is the real powerhouse of positive growth and forward momentum
I keep smiling at the good things in life. Happy Thanksgiving!
It seems like just yesterday I was talking about all the things I had planned for 2012... San Fran, Vietnam, Olympics, weddings, concerts... I managed to keep the schedule pretty full. I saw some amazing things. I did some amazing things. When the year started a good friend sent me a link about resolutions, 57 Life-Changing Resolutions.
I am starting to feel that life is more than bucket lists, accomplishments and material things. The more comfortable I become with where I am, the fewer things I want and the less I want to be around negativity, people or otherwise. I constantly look at this list and I have challenged myself to grow by changing a few things I do. A few things that the boyfriend and I have done lately that I love:
Leave a 30% tip, every time- It really makes a difference. I challenge everyone to do this.
Go 1-for-1 on your wardrobe.- This is now a solid rule, we really don't need stuff. And not having the room since the boyfriend moved in has made it easier to enforce.
Do less better. - I have stopped planning so far in advance to make time for random dinners, brunch dates with old friends. Or one on one time instead of time at a bar with 20 people. I have really reconnected with some people I really missed.
Break an old habit.- I haven't bit my nails in 2 months.
Bury the hatchet.- They know who they are (in fact this year there were many), and I am glad to say it is water under the bridge.
Teach gratitude, selflessness and charity (quietly). - I started keeping dollar bills in my car and told myself any time I see someone that needs help, I will give them a dollar if I have it. No judgement. We were walking downtown and we passed an old man, reading, in his sleeping bag in a doorway. He had one tomato by him. Without me saying anything the boyfriend went to the ATM, we went back to him and handed the old man some cash. Life gets hard. I am not here to judge and being poor is not a crime.
Write more letters. -I focused on my Grandpa. I think he loves it. Better late than never.
Create something real.
So here is where the boyfriend comes in, "create something real." I do not have a creative bone in my body. When he was moving in he had some old end tables. We decided instead of throwing them away we would make them into something we wanted and create something, even get a little creative. We have very similar tastes when it comes to furniture so with his know-how, skill and well... he did most of it. Haha... we have some amazing end tables and we had time to do them this past weekend because I didn't schedule anything to do. One thing at a time.
When you read the articles about why Romney lost the election and they mention that the grass-roots, on-the-ground campaign that Obama's camp ran was superior to that of ol' Willard's. They are right. I saw it first hand. I would show up at a local supporters house, where his first floor was set up with campaigning materials, computers, snacks and be greeted by a happy, eager organizer, Eddie. Eddie would explain what we were doing, the laws around how it worked and patiently answered questions. The first phase I registered voters, the second phase I made sure those that registered were going to vote. Each time I showed up to volunteer Eddie would be there with a map printed, names of registered democrats or unaffiliated voters on the two by two block area I would canvass that day. It amazed me. We really did win this election "block by block."
I enjoyed the moment as long as I could, with a beer in hand watching Brian Williams announce Ohio was projected blue... and relaxed. Then the sad stat was realized, the country was subjected to this LONG, EXPENSIVE campaign for 18 months and we are back to where we started... a do nothing House and a Democrat President. But is it worse?
Thank you GOP for portraying Democrats as lazy, self-entitled minorities. Thank you liberals for stereotyping Republicans as the rich 1% of the population whose greed collapsed the banks. Thank you to those around me that bought into it and focused on what they didn't want in our government more than what they wanted. Once my neighbors, friends, coworkers remove their yard signs, I have to accept our differences and work as a community again. Will Congress?
Here it is... I am deep into election season. Those of you, who have realized I failed at staying off Facebook, get to see my political pushes every now and then. Those of you who see me once and awhile know I have been volunteering for the Obama campaign. And those of you who deal with me on a daily basis have seen my car magnet, watched the highs and lows from the great pride I felt after the DNC to the great low after the first debate, get to hear my political rants... and now, now I am scared to death.
The race is close. I hate that.
I believe in President Obama. I believe that he has stood up for human rights, restored international faith in America and looked out for the interests of minorities and the middle class. So when the opportunity came to watch the President speak at Sloan's Lake in Denver, I couldn't turn it down. My AMAZING boyfriend took time off of work to secure tickets.
He couldn't get the time off of work to go, so The Bride's fiancee grabbed up one of the extra tickets and headed out on a cold, fall morning with me. I believe this guy is a Republican at heart, but not a typical Republican because Willard is just making it impossible this go around to vote Republican if you believe in any type of social issues and want a candidate that is consistent. After too much time of Will.I.Am... really, any time with any member of the Black Eyed Peas is too long... POTUS arrived at Sloan's Lake.
I got to hear the Big Bird jokes and chant "Four More Years." But this was also the first time I had ever seen the President of the United States. It was freaking cool. He is alot shorter than I imagined, but there he was. There I was. And 6,000 other people that see things the way I see things. I hope. I hope they vote... I really want 4 more years of this guys.
Seems like forever ago I was pulling up to a bar I had never been to before, to meet up with a guy I could barely recognize, barely knew, to see if this was the guy I would start dating. Wearing the standard black shirt, jeans, flats in case he was shorter than I remembered. Ordering a drink that I thought would cause the least amount of conversation, usually white wine. Sitting there asking 20 questions to try to get to know eachother better and confirm this wasn't an epic waste of time.
Any guy from the last 3 years: "So what do you like to do?" Me: "Well I run, hike, camp, really anything outside... oh and I love the Broncos."
That's right, love not like. I love the Denver Broncos. Going to Bronco games was something I really didn't know how much I missed until I moved back. And now... now, we have Peyton! The last game I went to we got there early to enjoy in the tailgating festivities...
Me: Do you want to go watch the players walk in?
Bf: Sure, if you want to.
Me: (blah, blah) THAT IS PEYTON MANNING!
I go running
Me: Look there he is!
Bf: (Slowly walking from where I just ran from)
Me: Come on, don't you want to see him?
Bf: Not enough to start running.
Me: I have never seen anyone cool, walk in... holy crap there is Eric Decker. (Pulling the boyfriend) Would you be offended if I asked you to take my picture with him.
Bf: (Just smiles)
Me: Ok, maybe next time.
Good to know I can still get excited.... and take my picture with my favorite Bronco Fan:
You know, those bands, albums, concerts where the music turns into more than music. It becomes your lifeline. I discovered Mumford and Sons when I ran my first marathon... my great friend in Dallas, her husband sent me "Little Lion Man" to add to the marathon playlist. I had no idea what I was getting into. Each song on their "Sigh No More" album echoed what I was feeling as I left Dallas.
"I'll find strength in pain and I'll change my ways. I'll know my name as it is called again." -The Cave
I had to see them when they were playing in Denver right down the street from my house. I went with my new friend, we have to call her the Bride now because I will be in her wedding in 11 months!, who was discovering the City with me after her move from Boulder. I will never forget before the concert being asked "Use 5 words to describe yourself. Now, use 5 words to describe your friend." Loved this game. The concert was instantly a fave.
A year later... what has changed? I am in love. And I got to see Mumford again, this time at my favorite venue, Red Rocks. With the bride, her fiance and 6 other amazing people who have touched me in one way or another this last year. This experience was documented in the recent release of "I Will Wait." It will always be a reminder of how lucky I am. And how Mumford and Sons will always be more than another band. Their new album does not disappoint.
The days are getting shorter. The weather is getting cooler. Football is on my TV. And the leaves are changing outside my window. We had a dry, hot summer and in the middle of all the wonderful things happening in my life, I have managed to get to the mountains a little more this fall. Sure everyone has bought their pass to go snowboarding all ski season... but hold up, not just yet.
My first hike was to the place where the boyfriend and his family spread his dad ashes. It was a close hike, but amazing... you felt like you were on top of the world. His cousin came with us. There were no words I could use to describe what it was like to be a part of this moment and celebration of someone who meant so much to the man I love the most.
When we left the car at the trailhead it was cold. Frost on the ground, move as fast as you could to keep warm, cold. I love the sunrises and the morning air, however this hike was more about the destination to me. And the cold air kept us moving. On the way back down, there were moments where I got lost... and remembered why I am so lucky to live in such an amazing place.
The second hike we grabbed our partners in crime and headed for the hills. (This is where I note how lucky I am to know someone who has access to a condo in the mountains) We got started a little later because we would be staying the night. I thought that most of the leaves would have fallen by this point, but I was wrong... if anything they were just a little more intense. I also saw my first Moose! Life in Colorado does not suck. To party in the City at night and to be able to drive one hour into complete isoloation the next... thank you.
I was reminded on this hike just what climate change has done to Summit County, Colorado. Beetle Kill. Look into it. Basically our winters do not get cold enough to kill this beetle that feeds on our forests. So the beetle feeds year round versus just in the warmer months. The result is devastating when you first see it and if you think about it long enough. I have had some people tell that you get used to it. No. I won't. Thus the e-card I got from a great friend. Yeah, I probably would make love to the environment.
I have been MIA. It took two amazing friends to call me out today for me the realize that I needed to snap the f&#^$# out of it. My life is amazing. I am in love. I have great people that include me in their lives.
The other day I stumbled upon this quote:
Lately I have fallen into the trap of thinking about what I don't have and why I don't have it. I believe that it is ok to go there, just as long as you don't get stuck there. I got stuck. The everyday routine has just frustrated the f$^$^*# out of me. I haven't blogged lately because I just write boring f#@^*# reports at work non-stop. Oh, the day I had a submittal and the owners decided to jam up the printer with marketing crap... wasn't going to blog then. How about the frustration I felt when an old friend wouldn't tell me why a card idea I had caused her "concern"? It was just a f^$#^# card. I wanted to join a friend in remembering her mom at the Komen Race for the Cure and was told I would have been invited if I was still on Facebook. So I got back on f%##^ Facebook. I even found myself taking out this aggression at the Broncos game Sunday... sorry Texans fans that felt the wrath of a long few weeks.
So I got sad. I got upset. And thanks to my good friends, I am back.
Pizza. I touched on this earlier and I will touch on it again.
I love pizza.
When my pregnant 15 year old sister was living with me, Friday nights were reserved for working out, pizza and a movie.
When life was hell in Texas, I would workout, eat pizza and watch Dateline on Friday nights.
I felt a new friendship begin when I called an old college friend and told her I just ordered pizza come over. We sat there and talked about failed relationships, moving forward and life. From that moment we would tackle any problem with pizza.
My first date with the boyfriend was to the local pizza joint. (I am so lucky to live down the street from one of the best pizza places: Wyman's No. 5)
On Sunday the boyfriend and I were driving home after dropping off a couple of SUPs (stand up paddleboards) at REI after a great weekend camping with some great friends. We were coming up to a red light at an intersection when I noticed to the left a young woman, reluctantly trying to unfold her cardboard sign.
Colorado is no stranger to homeless people or people asking for handouts. It was one of the first things I noticed when I moved back, I can remember asking my dad, "When did it get to be so bad?" I try to help when I can, but I rarely have cash on me. I understand that not everyone needs the money, or will use it for things society feels they should. It is not for me to decide who is worthy and who is not. However, I find myself becoming numb to the image or noticing the same people on the same corner that detour me from helping anyone.
I sat in the passenger side of the car. Watching. She looked close to my age and was pretty well kept, decent shoes, a shirt that was clearly from the Goodwill or donated to her... she struggled to open her sign. The look on her face was one of pain, she hated that she was standing there. I hated that she was standing there. She didn't get the sign open in time for me to read it before the light changed. As the cars started moving forward she folded up her sign and began to cry.
I felt my stomach sink as we got further and further away. I wanted to go back and give her something, food, money, water... tell her it was going to be okay. I didn't even tell the boyfriend how I felt at that exact moment. I can't get her out of my head.
Not sure I have that. I could die tomorrow and I would say I had a productive time here.
I have always wanted to go to all 7 continents, however, I realistically took Antarctica off that list. I promised a friend I would go to 5 countries before I got married, Vietnam, Great Britain and France got me over half way there.
Asia: Vietnam
Other than that, I want to love. Love hard. I want to grow as a person and I want to positively impact people, always. I want to stand up for what I believe. I want to make a difference in some one's life.
That is all I want to do before I die. If I get to see some cool things along the way, that is just a bonus.
Europe: France
(so a few cool things: ran two marathons, one half ironman, helped deliver a baby, I have been promoted, I have turned down a promotion, climbed a 14er, backpacked, camped, spoke at a wedding, spoke at a funeral, graduated college, volunteered on a political campaign, participated in a protest, bought a house, sold a house, hiked the rain forest, saw the Olympics, met Al Gore, almost joined the Navy, housed a friend in need, went to a dance recital, saw a musical, went to concerts, made friends, lost friends, started a blog, pissed twitter users off... curious to see what is next)
I love that I am in a place that no matter what happens, I will can either cuddle my way through it or enjoy pizza and wine night with the girls. Every time I think I have a problem, I am reminded that I don't have "real" problems. When I met the boyfriend I was in a weird place... dating multiple guys, getting dumped, dumping... finding my stride one year away from Dallas and there were so many days when I just about had it. My old friend from college would simply ask, "Do you need a pizza night?" Done. Life is simple. If you let it.
I think as women we typically do not talk about what physical features we love about ourselves. We talk about what we can improve on, what we admire about other women or features we wish we had, but rarely do you hear a woman go, "My arms look amazing with this top!" There are days I think, "I look great today." But I think it, I don't say it.
I guess with this entry, I have the chance to say it. **So why do I feel forced to say it... anyways here we go** Two things I have always loved about myself, my legs and my eyes (including eyelashes).
I have fluctuated with weight over my pre-teen, high school years and college... I never gained weight in my legs and with athletics, and my love of running, my legs were always toned. I could appreciate the constant shape of my legs when it came time to wear a skirt. Probably why I am most comfortable in shorts and a long sleeve shirt.
I have eyelashes that are a little longer than most people's and this makes my average blue eyes stand out. I would get wicked eye allergies in Texas; as a result my eyelashes would fall out, I couldn't wear mascara and I realized just how much I loved my eyes.
The challenge in life is to remember why you are great, work on the areas that you want to improve and love yourself, the always changing, wonderful self. Remember your best features, including the physical ones. Love yourself so someone else can love you too.
Back on course with my 31 Day Blog Challenge that turned into 31 posts on my blog whenever I have time... but to be honest, this one stalled me.
There are many times in my life that have been difficult. However, there was one time when I was forced to learn one of the greatest lessons to date: When we can no longer change a situation we are forced to change ourselves. As much as I don't want to bring it up again, my last 8 1/2 months in Dallas, Texas were by far the most difficult time in my life.
I don't need to go back there, there were plenty of blog posts explaining what happened from my perspective. Somehow in that time I lost my best friend, the future I had planned was gone, I trusted no one that I considered a friend in Texas and the career I worked so hard to acheieve since the age of 5 was now a toxic piece of my life.
I became depressed. I withdrew from society. I considered suicide. It was difficult.
I emerged from that time. I emerged as a better person. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I put myself and my needs ahead of others. I recognize my true friends and put little value into one sided relationships. (Side note: changing relationships is still very hard for me... but I am getting there) I learned that I want to live life, not survive it. I was reminded this weekend that people can't "make" you feel anything. I believe you own your feelings. Your experiences in life are why you feel the way you do... the great thing is you have control over what you feel. The challenge is admitting what you feel is not any one's fault, but yours.
I can blame what happened at the end of my time in Dallas on 100 things, people, events... truth was no one was going to change to make me feel better. I had to change the way I looked at things. I had to get out of Dallas to understand I was in control, yes. But come on? I was always meant to come home.
Here it is. My last post. For all those that know me, know I love to send Christmas cards. This year I think I enjoyed receiving Christmas cards. We got at least one a day, and I love them. Thank you all for reading!! And I hope you follow me to my new blog home:
And he got down on one knee. One year from the day we first told each other "I Love You" the boyfriend became the fiancee. I couldn't be happier, I love him, I love the ring and it was the best start to the holidays ever!!!
I believe in President Obama. I believe that he has stood up for human rights, restored international faith in America and looked out for the interests of minorities and the middle class. So when the opportunity came to watch the President speak at Sloan's Lake in Denver, I couldn't turn it down. My AMAZING boyfriend took time off of work to secure tickets.
He couldn't get the time off of work to go, so The Bride's fiancee grabbed up one of the extra tickets and headed out on a cold, fall morning with me. I believe this guy is a Republican at heart, but not a typical Republican because Willard is just making it impossible this go around to vote Republican if you believe in any type of social issues and want a candidate that is consistent. After too much time of Will.I.Am... really, any time with any member of the Black Eyed Peas is too long... POTUS arrived at Sloan's Lake.
Me: "Well I run, hike, camp, really anything outside... oh and I love the Broncos."
My first hike was to the place where the boyfriend and his family spread his dad ashes. It was a close hike, but amazing... you felt like you were on top of the world. His cousin came with us. There were no words I could use to describe what it was like to be a part of this moment and celebration of someone who meant so much to the man I love the most.
I guess with this entry, I have the chance to say it. **So why do I feel forced to say it... anyways here we go** Two things I have always loved about myself, my legs and my eyes (including eyelashes).