On Sunday the boyfriend and I were driving home after dropping off a couple of SUPs (stand up paddleboards) at REI after a great weekend camping with some great friends. We were coming up to a red light at an intersection when I noticed to the left a young woman, reluctantly trying to unfold her cardboard sign.
Colorado is no stranger to homeless people or people asking for handouts. It was one of the first things I noticed when I moved back, I can remember asking my dad, "When did it get to be so bad?" I try to help when I can, but I rarely have cash on me. I understand that not everyone needs the money, or will use it for things society feels they should. It is not for me to decide who is worthy and who is not. However, I find myself becoming numb to the image or noticing the same people on the same corner that detour me from helping anyone.
I sat in the passenger side of the car. Watching. She looked close to my age and was pretty well kept, decent shoes, a shirt that was clearly from the Goodwill or donated to her... she struggled to open her sign. The look on her face was one of pain, she hated that she was standing there. I hated that she was standing there. She didn't get the sign open in time for me to read it before the light changed. As the cars started moving forward she folded up her sign and began to cry.
I felt my stomach sink as we got further and further away. I wanted to go back and give her something, food, money, water... tell her it was going to be okay. I didn't even tell the boyfriend how I felt at that exact moment. I can't get her out of my head.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Top Things on my Bucket List
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| North America |
Not sure I have that. I could die tomorrow and I would say I had a productive time here.
I have always wanted to go to all 7 continents, however, I realistically took Antarctica off that list. I promised a friend I would go to 5 countries before I got married, Vietnam, Great Britain and France got me over half way there.
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| Asia: Vietnam |
That is all I want to do before I die. If I get to see some cool things along the way, that is just a bonus.
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| Europe: France |
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
What Makes Me Feel Better, Always
Simple:
What if this is not an option? Simple:
I love that I am in a place that no matter what happens, I will can either cuddle my way through it or enjoy pizza and wine night with the girls. Every time I think I have a problem, I am reminded that I don't have "real" problems. When I met the boyfriend I was in a weird place... dating multiple guys, getting dumped, dumping... finding my stride one year away from Dallas and there were so many days when I just about had it. My old friend from college would simply ask, "Do you need a pizza night?" Done. Life is simple. If you let it.
What if this is not an option? Simple:
I love that I am in a place that no matter what happens, I will can either cuddle my way through it or enjoy pizza and wine night with the girls. Every time I think I have a problem, I am reminded that I don't have "real" problems. When I met the boyfriend I was in a weird place... dating multiple guys, getting dumped, dumping... finding my stride one year away from Dallas and there were so many days when I just about had it. My old friend from college would simply ask, "Do you need a pizza night?" Done. Life is simple. If you let it.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Five Favorite Blogs
Worth a peak, all for different reasons:
If you want to cook: http://cookingforpowers.blogspot.com/
If you want to feel like a girl again: http://www.ohsoprettythediaries.com/
If you want to be inspired: http://www.whimandfancy.com/blog/
If you want to go green (HURRY! They will be shutting down soon): http://www.greenissexy.org/
If you are looking for some style: http://putafeatheronit.wordpress.com/
If you want to cook: http://cookingforpowers.blogspot.com/
If you want to feel like a girl again: http://www.ohsoprettythediaries.com/
If you want to be inspired: http://www.whimandfancy.com/blog/
If you want to go green (HURRY! They will be shutting down soon): http://www.greenissexy.org/
If you are looking for some style: http://putafeatheronit.wordpress.com/
Best Physical Features
I think as women we typically do not talk about what physical features we love about ourselves. We talk about what we can improve on, what we admire about other women or features we wish we had, but rarely do you hear a woman go, "My arms look amazing with this top!" There are days I think, "I look great today." But I think it, I don't say it.
I guess with this entry, I have the chance to say it. **So why do I feel forced to say it... anyways here we go** Two things I have always loved about myself, my legs and my eyes (including eyelashes).
I have fluctuated with weight over my pre-teen, high school years and college... I never gained weight in my legs and with athletics, and my love of running, my legs were always toned. I could appreciate the constant shape of my legs when it came time to wear a skirt. Probably why I am most comfortable in shorts and a long sleeve shirt.
I have eyelashes that are a little longer than most people's and this makes my average blue eyes stand out. I would get wicked eye allergies in Texas; as a result my eyelashes would fall out, I couldn't wear mascara and I realized just how much I loved my eyes.
The challenge in life is to remember why you are great, work on the areas that you want to improve and love yourself, the always changing, wonderful self. Remember your best features, including the physical ones. Love yourself so someone else can love you too.
I guess with this entry, I have the chance to say it. **So why do I feel forced to say it... anyways here we go** Two things I have always loved about myself, my legs and my eyes (including eyelashes). I have fluctuated with weight over my pre-teen, high school years and college... I never gained weight in my legs and with athletics, and my love of running, my legs were always toned. I could appreciate the constant shape of my legs when it came time to wear a skirt. Probably why I am most comfortable in shorts and a long sleeve shirt.
I have eyelashes that are a little longer than most people's and this makes my average blue eyes stand out. I would get wicked eye allergies in Texas; as a result my eyelashes would fall out, I couldn't wear mascara and I realized just how much I loved my eyes.
The challenge in life is to remember why you are great, work on the areas that you want to improve and love yourself, the always changing, wonderful self. Remember your best features, including the physical ones. Love yourself so someone else can love you too.
Monday, August 20, 2012
A Difficult Time in My Life
Back on course with my 31 Day Blog Challenge that turned into 31 posts on my blog whenever I have time... but to be honest, this one stalled me.
There are many times in my life that have been difficult. However, there was one time when I was forced to learn one of the greatest lessons to date: When we can no longer change a situation we are forced to change ourselves. As much as I don't want to bring it up again, my last 8 1/2 months in Dallas, Texas were by far the most difficult time in my life.
I don't need to go back there, there were plenty of blog posts explaining what happened from my perspective. Somehow in that time I lost my best friend, the future I had planned was gone, I trusted no one that I considered a friend in Texas and the career I worked so hard to acheieve since the age of 5 was now a toxic piece of my life.
I became depressed. I withdrew from society. I considered suicide. It was difficult.
I emerged from that time. I emerged as a better person. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I put myself and my needs ahead of others. I recognize my true friends and put little value into one sided relationships. (Side note: changing relationships is still very hard for me... but I am getting there) I learned that I want to live life, not survive it. I was reminded this weekend that people can't "make" you feel anything. I believe you own your feelings. Your experiences in life are why you feel the way you do... the great thing is you have control over what you feel. The challenge is admitting what you feel is not any one's fault, but yours.
I can blame what happened at the end of my time in Dallas on 100 things, people, events... truth was no one was going to change to make me feel better. I had to change the way I looked at things. I had to get out of Dallas to understand I was in control, yes. But come on? I was always meant to come home.
There are many times in my life that have been difficult. However, there was one time when I was forced to learn one of the greatest lessons to date: When we can no longer change a situation we are forced to change ourselves. As much as I don't want to bring it up again, my last 8 1/2 months in Dallas, Texas were by far the most difficult time in my life.
I don't need to go back there, there were plenty of blog posts explaining what happened from my perspective. Somehow in that time I lost my best friend, the future I had planned was gone, I trusted no one that I considered a friend in Texas and the career I worked so hard to acheieve since the age of 5 was now a toxic piece of my life.
I became depressed. I withdrew from society. I considered suicide. It was difficult.
I emerged from that time. I emerged as a better person. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I put myself and my needs ahead of others. I recognize my true friends and put little value into one sided relationships. (Side note: changing relationships is still very hard for me... but I am getting there) I learned that I want to live life, not survive it. I was reminded this weekend that people can't "make" you feel anything. I believe you own your feelings. Your experiences in life are why you feel the way you do... the great thing is you have control over what you feel. The challenge is admitting what you feel is not any one's fault, but yours.
I can blame what happened at the end of my time in Dallas on 100 things, people, events... truth was no one was going to change to make me feel better. I had to change the way I looked at things. I had to get out of Dallas to understand I was in control, yes. But come on? I was always meant to come home.
Facebook Experiment
I have been reading news articles about it, thinking about it and I finally did it... I deactivated my Facebook account. Am I going through withdrawls? Yes. Is it weird? Yes. Will it stick? I do not know. Why did I do it?
I feel like Facebook has almost made me hypocritical and lazy. I post political opinions or articles, but get annoyed when one someone else posts an opinion opposite of what I believe. I only post pictures that make me look active, cute, happy, exciting... sometimes my life is sad or boring, but I am constantly keeping up the perseption that everything is great. If I want to know how a friend is doing I go to their Facebook page instead of sending out an email, making a phone call or even shooting off a text message (which is also pretty lazy but better than nothing).
Moving forward, you will see more pictures on the blog and possibly more opinions. I really want this decision to help me reconnect with people on a personal level, not a technogical level... but then again, isn't that what I am doing with the blog?? I think the blog will remain so I will continue to write, those that want the technological method have it and I can avoid getting sucked into Facebook drama.
To be continued...
I feel like Facebook has almost made me hypocritical and lazy. I post political opinions or articles, but get annoyed when one someone else posts an opinion opposite of what I believe. I only post pictures that make me look active, cute, happy, exciting... sometimes my life is sad or boring, but I am constantly keeping up the perseption that everything is great. If I want to know how a friend is doing I go to their Facebook page instead of sending out an email, making a phone call or even shooting off a text message (which is also pretty lazy but better than nothing).
Moving forward, you will see more pictures on the blog and possibly more opinions. I really want this decision to help me reconnect with people on a personal level, not a technogical level... but then again, isn't that what I am doing with the blog?? I think the blog will remain so I will continue to write, those that want the technological method have it and I can avoid getting sucked into Facebook drama.
To be continued...
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Backpacking
All my life I wanted to go backpack. I tried a few times in college, but the lack of gear, money and time off from work on the weekends, kept me home while my friends and roommates went. It quickly got put on my Colorado to-do list, but again the lack of gear kept me from going. Then I met the boyfriend.
His family pretty much has anything you would need for a successful trip. He packed it all up into two packs, mine 28 lbs, his closer to 60 lbs, mapped out our route and thus began our first backpacking trip. Fifteen steps from the trailhead it began to hail. We put on all the waterproof gear we had and agreed it was a typical Colorado storm and would be over in 10 minutes. The hail stopped in 10 minutes, but the rain would continue for the next 4 hours.
We hiked 4 miles to a mountain lake, Lonesome Lake. It was breathtaking and we were the only two up there. Exactly what we wanted... and then the storm came. Before the backpacks were even off our backs is started to rain again... and this time a little nerve racking since we were above the tree line. We managed to get the tent up, get into dry clothes and instantly I called it a night... hoping to dry out the next day.
Boyfriend: Do you want me to try to cook dinner?
Me: Dinner? Just and me a bagel, I am going to bed.
The next day was perfect. I caught my first fish on a fly rod, the boyfriend caught at least five, the sun came out, the marmots played and we enjoyed our first backpacking trip. It was a much prettier, dryer hike the way back down... and I crossed one more thing off my Colorado to-do list.
**Update: Last weekend we went on our second backpacking trip with two friends... I of course got sick, however we saw the Perseids Meter Shower at 11,000 ft. I have never seen anything quite like it and it made up for the roll of toilet paper I had to use to aide the runny nose. Next trip... nice weather and no health conditions.
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| Hail at the start |
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| Trying to get out of the rain |
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| Our official greeter |
Boyfriend: Do you want me to try to cook dinner?
Me: Dinner? Just and me a bagel, I am going to bed.
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| View from the tent |
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| Lonesome Lake |
**Update: Last weekend we went on our second backpacking trip with two friends... I of course got sick, however we saw the Perseids Meter Shower at 11,000 ft. I have never seen anything quite like it and it made up for the roll of toilet paper I had to use to aide the runny nose. Next trip... nice weather and no health conditions.
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