I am starting to feel like life is on big interview. When I found myself starting over in Colorado I had to interview for jobs, housing, roommates... and there was always a big relief to get to Round 2. Lately this is how I feel about meeting people, friends, guys, it doesn't matter. I go out, meet people I don't know and I hope they love me for me. It is great to get that call back and it is a little rough when you don't.
Well I have made it to Round 2 with the Fisherman. I am excited for the second date. The first date was at a local sports bar during the Arizona basketball game. Let's just say he wasn't the loudest person I have ever talked to... I am excited to see where he decides to take me, what we talk about now that we both know we are kind of interested... I am trying to tread lightly, but not hold back.
At the end of my first date my friend's asked all these questions about him, past relationships, family, deep stuff that I don't want to answer on a first date, so I don't ask. All I really found out is he likes the Broncos, played football in college and well, likes to fish. That was all I needed to know. The fishing part of this guy really attracts me to him. I have always fished and I want to learn how to fly fish, which is what he does. I think someone that fishes has an appreciation for our environment, has patience and it reminds me of my dad and grandpa... and some of the best memories I have from my childhood. Anyone that can remind you of things that once made you happy, but you forgot about, gets a pass into Round 2.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Still Running
Reality: I can't take any time off until I have been with my company for a year. This fact is a harsh reality for me. I am a world traveler... you call me, I go. Not this year.
Glass Half Empty: It was not like this last year when I was making more money and living in Texas, I had the run of that place.
Glass Half Full: I have half day Fridays and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States, and I have not even seen the half of it.
I can't do anything about the reality of the situation, but I have tried to look at things from the "half full" perspective. This past weekend was no exception as me and a few friends set out to Moab, Utah to run the Canyonlands Half Marathon.
My knee has been giving me issue this last month. I actually had to stop a run short just before the race, this was a first for me. For the first time I was nervous that I may not be able to complete a race and I was racing to just finish, not improve. The mental strain that I may not be able to do something I want tears at my core. Failure is not an option in my world, it is not now and it has never been. I am by far my toughest critic. With the help of the running partner I convinced myself I was about to run one of the most scenic half marathon routes in the country, see places I had never been and I was going to do it with some good people. Enjoy it... even if it means walking.
The canyons, arches, mountains were all breathtaking. It was a point to point race, where we started at the top of the canyon and followed 128 into Moab. We all got in our pace groups, we were running the same race, we were not running together. I put on the ipod and run... I instantly fell in love all over again. I love running. I love running in races. I love running in places I have never been before. My timing chip blew away in the wind and my ipod went dead, it was almost like the running Gods were telling me to relax, enjoy it and take it all in. It was so quiet in the canyon, just my foot steps along with several of my fellow runners... I was running a race in nature for the first time, I left the City behind. My knee was killing me but I finished. Not a PR (personal record) but I did what I set out to do. Also a reminder, my glass is half full and I am still running.
Glass Half Empty: It was not like this last year when I was making more money and living in Texas, I had the run of that place.
Glass Half Full: I have half day Fridays and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States, and I have not even seen the half of it.
I can't do anything about the reality of the situation, but I have tried to look at things from the "half full" perspective. This past weekend was no exception as me and a few friends set out to Moab, Utah to run the Canyonlands Half Marathon.
My knee has been giving me issue this last month. I actually had to stop a run short just before the race, this was a first for me. For the first time I was nervous that I may not be able to complete a race and I was racing to just finish, not improve. The mental strain that I may not be able to do something I want tears at my core. Failure is not an option in my world, it is not now and it has never been. I am by far my toughest critic. With the help of the running partner I convinced myself I was about to run one of the most scenic half marathon routes in the country, see places I had never been and I was going to do it with some good people. Enjoy it... even if it means walking.
The canyons, arches, mountains were all breathtaking. It was a point to point race, where we started at the top of the canyon and followed 128 into Moab. We all got in our pace groups, we were running the same race, we were not running together. I put on the ipod and run... I instantly fell in love all over again. I love running. I love running in races. I love running in places I have never been before. My timing chip blew away in the wind and my ipod went dead, it was almost like the running Gods were telling me to relax, enjoy it and take it all in. It was so quiet in the canyon, just my foot steps along with several of my fellow runners... I was running a race in nature for the first time, I left the City behind. My knee was killing me but I finished. Not a PR (personal record) but I did what I set out to do. Also a reminder, my glass is half full and I am still running.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Athletic and Toned
I have been flirting with actively using online dating. I figure there is an off chance I might meet someone, a good place to make friends or a good story at least? One of the things that you have to disclose regardless of the site, is your body type. I of course say I am average... the other options I have are "slender" and "athletic and toned." I have never been slender and although I am athletic I am working towards becoming toned. You know who is "athletic and toned?" Angelina Jolie, not me. With all the experience I will take into 30 from my 20s, being up front about who you are and what you want is more important than you think. I would rather have someone be pleasantly surprised than have the feeling of being deceived, so I click "average."
As I thumb through the guys that are recommended to me based on what I think is important, mainly activities, I notice 99 percent of them are "athletic and toned." This might make sense because I put such a strong emphasis on being active and loving life... but come on? Really? All of you? This reminded me of a guy I dated in my early 20s. I had just moved to Texas and was living in an apartment. We decided we were going to work out at the gym there, I had been on the treadmill for 30 minutes when he decides to come down. We chat and then he hits the weight machines. Exactly 8 minutes later he comes back to the treadmill to tell me he is done and is going to shower. I know the exact time because I was on the treadmill. Shocked, I decide to end my run and leave with him. When we get back to the apartment this guy, who just completed his 8 minute workout, started to check himself out in the mirror and flex... no doubt, he thought he was "athletic and toned." The last time I saw this guy, we still laughed about that moment.
Is it a guy versus girl thing? Are girls so messed up that they will never think they have hit that top option of "athletic and toned?" But guys are told from a young age they are great and think they have no room for improvement?
I have only gone out with one guy off of this Internet deal... in his defense, he was athletic and toned... but not 5'10". That is a whole other issue...
As I thumb through the guys that are recommended to me based on what I think is important, mainly activities, I notice 99 percent of them are "athletic and toned." This might make sense because I put such a strong emphasis on being active and loving life... but come on? Really? All of you? This reminded me of a guy I dated in my early 20s. I had just moved to Texas and was living in an apartment. We decided we were going to work out at the gym there, I had been on the treadmill for 30 minutes when he decides to come down. We chat and then he hits the weight machines. Exactly 8 minutes later he comes back to the treadmill to tell me he is done and is going to shower. I know the exact time because I was on the treadmill. Shocked, I decide to end my run and leave with him. When we get back to the apartment this guy, who just completed his 8 minute workout, started to check himself out in the mirror and flex... no doubt, he thought he was "athletic and toned." The last time I saw this guy, we still laughed about that moment.
Is it a guy versus girl thing? Are girls so messed up that they will never think they have hit that top option of "athletic and toned?" But guys are told from a young age they are great and think they have no room for improvement?
I have only gone out with one guy off of this Internet deal... in his defense, he was athletic and toned... but not 5'10". That is a whole other issue...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
March Madness
So it has all changed. You get that, I get that... but one thing that has slowly started to become clearer, is I am slowly returning to old form. March Madness... this season is reminding me of how much fun I have being me. I won my first bracket in high school and I have been hooked ever since... during the 4+ years at my last company I ran the March Madness Bracket. I loved it. I don't know why, I love the tournament, I love winning it and I love organizing it. Last year wasn't the case a year ago.
This year my friends asked me to do it, let me run the scoring the way I wanted and thanked me for doing it. I got over 50 brackets submitted from all over the country and no one thinks I am doing this to "one up" someone. It is just Morgan being Morgan.
I am a loyal friend. I will go out of my way for you. I promise that. When I do things it is with the best intentions in mind... I hated that the most, when people find some negative intention behind what I am doing. That is not me. That means you don't know me. And for the first time, I just want to be me, I don't want to change to make someone else happy. It does not work.
I sometimes want to just disclaim who I am upfront, this last guy I met got the wrath via text message:
Me- Before this goes any further do you have an issue with me being a civil engineer or a marathon runner?
Fisherman- Haha. Why would I? Not at all.
Me- Haha. Random I know. I keep running into walls where guys are intimidated by that.
Me- And by wall I mean the last 5 years of my life. I kid, I kid. Kinda.
Fisherman- No I like the fact that you are educated and active.
Me- Ok. Those things may never change.
Fisherman- Why would they? Someone would have to be real insecure.
Yeah. So where are all the secure people?
This year my friends asked me to do it, let me run the scoring the way I wanted and thanked me for doing it. I got over 50 brackets submitted from all over the country and no one thinks I am doing this to "one up" someone. It is just Morgan being Morgan.
I am a loyal friend. I will go out of my way for you. I promise that. When I do things it is with the best intentions in mind... I hated that the most, when people find some negative intention behind what I am doing. That is not me. That means you don't know me. And for the first time, I just want to be me, I don't want to change to make someone else happy. It does not work.
I sometimes want to just disclaim who I am upfront, this last guy I met got the wrath via text message:
Me- Before this goes any further do you have an issue with me being a civil engineer or a marathon runner?
Fisherman- Haha. Why would I? Not at all.
Me- Haha. Random I know. I keep running into walls where guys are intimidated by that.
Me- And by wall I mean the last 5 years of my life. I kid, I kid. Kinda.
Fisherman- No I like the fact that you are educated and active.
Me- Ok. Those things may never change.
Fisherman- Why would they? Someone would have to be real insecure.
Yeah. So where are all the secure people?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I Hate You Too
Dating. It hates me and I hate it. Nothing grounds a person like rejection and dating is pretty much a game of rejection until it is not. I have rejected and I have been rejected. I haven't been in the game that long, but from what I gather it is a progression from the initial meeting, to the number exchange, to flirty text messages, to getting to know each other until it all stops. Then repeat.
After many bottles of wine with girlfriends, I have concluded that even the initial meeting isn't straight forward anymore. Not many people believe that you will meet that special someone while drinking at a bar, maybe before it gets late, but there is a fine line. Social Groups are set up to bring single people together, then there is speed dating, online dating... many tools are available to help with that initial meeting. Just accepting that piece of it is hard. Really? You can tell whether or not you want to date me by what I put on my Internet profile? Rejection better not phase you during this process. Before I was nervous about relationships, now I am just trying to get to that initial meeting. And then I hope somewhere between the flirty text messages until the stop that I don't do something stupid.
What does that something stupid look like? Is it drinking too much on the first date? Is it saying out loud that my family is complicated? That my last breakup can make most relationships look like child's play? What if I wear the wrong thing? What if I say the wrong thing? Or worse, what if I text the wrong thing? "Well then he isn't the person you are supposed to be with." Fantastic.
Repeat.
I know I am not alone, not only do I have my dating adventures, but I get to witness and comment on my friends' adventures as well. (Hopefully over a beer on Sunday Funday) I get to be there when they meet the right person and get married. I am also there when it doesn't work out, to remind them if it feels so good with the wrong person, imagine what it feels like with the right person. For those opportunities I am thankful, so I will update my online profile, attend more speed dating functions, find myself on the dance floor at a local bar... and date. My relationship with dating is a love/hate thing but it is not one I want to walk away from.
After many bottles of wine with girlfriends, I have concluded that even the initial meeting isn't straight forward anymore. Not many people believe that you will meet that special someone while drinking at a bar, maybe before it gets late, but there is a fine line. Social Groups are set up to bring single people together, then there is speed dating, online dating... many tools are available to help with that initial meeting. Just accepting that piece of it is hard. Really? You can tell whether or not you want to date me by what I put on my Internet profile? Rejection better not phase you during this process. Before I was nervous about relationships, now I am just trying to get to that initial meeting. And then I hope somewhere between the flirty text messages until the stop that I don't do something stupid.
What does that something stupid look like? Is it drinking too much on the first date? Is it saying out loud that my family is complicated? That my last breakup can make most relationships look like child's play? What if I wear the wrong thing? What if I say the wrong thing? Or worse, what if I text the wrong thing? "Well then he isn't the person you are supposed to be with." Fantastic.
Repeat.
I know I am not alone, not only do I have my dating adventures, but I get to witness and comment on my friends' adventures as well. (Hopefully over a beer on Sunday Funday) I get to be there when they meet the right person and get married. I am also there when it doesn't work out, to remind them if it feels so good with the wrong person, imagine what it feels like with the right person. For those opportunities I am thankful, so I will update my online profile, attend more speed dating functions, find myself on the dance floor at a local bar... and date. My relationship with dating is a love/hate thing but it is not one I want to walk away from.
Friday, March 11, 2011
That's Not My Name
When I ran my marathon I asked a good chunk of people in my life to send me a song to add to the marathon playlist. I thought this was a good way to get new music that I hadn't listened to during my miles of running and I would think of that person as the song played on my 4 hour adventure. Three people suggested "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings. I had heard this song before and thought "that is a happy song, good choice," crazy that was the only repeated song. And then I slowly started to realize this is the theme song of my 29th year...
"Holding back everyday the same, don't want to be a loner, listen to me, oh no, I never say anything at all."
This was the 4 to 5 months in Dallas. I turned into a shell. I can remember getting on the elevator where I used to work, silently saying, "Please. Let nothing happen today." It then turned into, "What the hell is going to happen today." I kept most of what was going on inside, I didn't want to bring attention to myself or make the ex look bad. I wanted someone to stand up for me, to tell him to stop... but I never asked. After tons of conversations with old coworkers since I left, not sure anyone knew how bad it was. I never said anything at all.
"They call me quiet girl, but I am a riot, yeah"
I got back to Colorado and I broke out. I forgot how much fun I was. I made this clear to my running partner when I went back to Dallas, I have enjoyed tons of sporting events, Sunday Fundays... I may not bring the party, that is my new roommate, but I am kind of a big deal. Being back in Colorado, in a place I feel safe, I have busted out... and I am a riot.
"Keep up, falling, these heels they keep me boring; Getting glammed up and sitting on the fence now"
I am finally in a place where I feel like I can honestly say, I am happy and moving on with my life. I am open to meeting someone. I am loving going to Catholic Church, listening to 30 Seconds to Mars, running when I want with whoever I want... I fall down once and awhile, but I get back up. I am back in the game.
"That's not my name"
My boss asked if I was good at remembering things? Do you know who I am? I am the best at remembering things. They don't know that. They will. Soon. There have been quite a few times when I meet new guys and they call me Lauren, or don't even remember talking to me. I love joking around about those moments. I am almost 30... but I got here. Hell yes. I wonder what my theme song next year will be? I am so excited to find out.
"Holding back everyday the same, don't want to be a loner, listen to me, oh no, I never say anything at all."
This was the 4 to 5 months in Dallas. I turned into a shell. I can remember getting on the elevator where I used to work, silently saying, "Please. Let nothing happen today." It then turned into, "What the hell is going to happen today." I kept most of what was going on inside, I didn't want to bring attention to myself or make the ex look bad. I wanted someone to stand up for me, to tell him to stop... but I never asked. After tons of conversations with old coworkers since I left, not sure anyone knew how bad it was. I never said anything at all.
"They call me quiet girl, but I am a riot, yeah"
I got back to Colorado and I broke out. I forgot how much fun I was. I made this clear to my running partner when I went back to Dallas, I have enjoyed tons of sporting events, Sunday Fundays... I may not bring the party, that is my new roommate, but I am kind of a big deal. Being back in Colorado, in a place I feel safe, I have busted out... and I am a riot.
"Keep up, falling, these heels they keep me boring; Getting glammed up and sitting on the fence now"
I am finally in a place where I feel like I can honestly say, I am happy and moving on with my life. I am open to meeting someone. I am loving going to Catholic Church, listening to 30 Seconds to Mars, running when I want with whoever I want... I fall down once and awhile, but I get back up. I am back in the game.
"That's not my name"
My boss asked if I was good at remembering things? Do you know who I am? I am the best at remembering things. They don't know that. They will. Soon. There have been quite a few times when I meet new guys and they call me Lauren, or don't even remember talking to me. I love joking around about those moments. I am almost 30... but I got here. Hell yes. I wonder what my theme song next year will be? I am so excited to find out.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
So What Did You Learn?
Confession: I think I have listened to the voice message about 10 times now. In a very humorous way, the guy on the other end is pretty much telling me what I have known for the last 6+ years at the end of every relationship I poured my heart into "we used to have a good time together, then you said my friend was a douchebag. Anyways... then he said today, "'you know I kinda liked that girl and I think I fucked up.'" It was a good way to end that mess.
When I met The Ref I was starstruck, instantly. Through the red flags and warnings I pressed on hoping for the best. So when I found out he lied to me about being back together with his girlfriend, I really couldn't be too surprised, right? Now that I have closure on that, I realize yet another guy confessed that they wish it would have ended differently, even though they ended it... what did I learn?
When I met The Ref I was starstruck, instantly. Through the red flags and warnings I pressed on hoping for the best. So when I found out he lied to me about being back together with his girlfriend, I really couldn't be too surprised, right? Now that I have closure on that, I realize yet another guy confessed that they wish it would have ended differently, even though they ended it... what did I learn?
- I need to take dating slowly.
- I am still making excuses for people.
- Nice guys scare the hell out of me.
- I am still defining who I am and may be for a long time.
- I can't make others see how great it could be if they just would let some things go.
- I have nothing in common with a guy who likes Sarah Palin.
- I would rather have a night in with my girlfriends.
- Don't ignore the gut feeling!
- Through all of the dating drama, I am so happy for my friends that are getting married, having babies, all of it.
- Yes, I am almost 30 and I am not married.
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