Booked

Here I go again.  In a matter of 48 hours I managed to book plane tickets to Hanoi, Vietnam, New York City and buy tickets to see the Black Keys and Snow Patrol... and while I was at it I got Colorado Rockies tickets to the home opener and firework game for the Fourth of July.  How else can you spend over $2000 in two days... it felt like old times.  I have always wanted to go to Vietnam.  I have a friend that is currently traveling the world and before he left I told him I would meet him in Vietnam.  Why do I want to go to Vietnam?  Wait until I show you the pictures.  My boyfriend will be by my side for all these adventures.  He is for sure a "why not" kind of guy... which I love... and I guess it might get us into a little trouble... but isn't that just living life?

I met an old coworker for a going away dinner the other night.  Her journey was taking her to Australia for two years to work and live.  We are both over 30, not married and we travel, a ton.  We talked about our lacking savings accounts and other things we could be saving money to do... but at the end we decided, why?  Why not just go now?  It may mean I will be working until I am 70, but in all honesty I could die tomorrow.  I am meeting with a financial advisor tomorrow, if the Blizzard of 2012 doesn't prevent me from getting there... I guess I am looking for a third party to tell me I am doing ok, that I am living life and that a huge bank account is not necessary...

Well, I guess I will have to think about the savings account I should have, the house I should own and the husband and kids that should be in my life on my 24 hour flight to Hanoi with a new travel partner by my side.

Good Luck

When I was in Dallas I had a few amazing coworkers.  I worked with this one guy from another group loved him and then fell in love with his wife.  As I was leaving they were about to have their first baby.  I offered to throw them a baby shower (really glad I did because I wasn't there for baby #2).  As a thank you the wife gave me a necklace with a four-leaf clover on it.  It was simple.  I loved it.  I told her I was going to wear it until it fell off... and maybe then my luck will change.

The necklace is gone.  I am not sure if it fell off or what?  I have been looking for it for weeks, but then I thought about how I told her I was going to wear it until my luck changed.  I looked back on all the pictures since I got the necklace... I have it on all the time.  My luck has changed. 

I can feel myself becoming more comfortable in my own skin.  I love where I am in life and I am not afraid to make changes.  I am traveling again, I love my friends and I love my boyfriend.  I am happy at my job and I love where I live.  I am not going to lie, I miss the necklace and I miss her.  But I love what the two brought me... hope and strength.

Snowboarding... finally

I crossed off "Snowboarding Lesson" on my Colorado List of Things To-Do.  I have known for the last couple of years, that I was one private lesson away from going down the mountain like everyone else.  The thing is, I usually go snowboarding with friends, who are better than me and as a social outing... so it was hard for me to drop $200 to isolate myself for a few hours.  When the boyfriend offered to teach me, I had flashbacks to other guys who have offered to teach me... One was a friend who simply yelled, "Just get up."  Yeah... that didn't end well.  So I was hesitant.  And in light of being broke and getting more frustrated, I finally asked for help.

It counts as a lesson.

We got up to Breckenridge early and started the lesson on the first run of the day.  It was just the two of us for the first time since our fishing trip... it was nice, different than anything I have done with any othe boyfriend in the past.  The mountains finally got some snow, so there was a powder day.  After a few tips, forcing myself to go out of my comfort zone... I did it... I connected my turns on the snow board.  The boyfriend stayed behind me to make sure people knew I was going slow and falling all over the place in front of him... he even caught some of the action on video... it was a great day.

We ended it by meeting my old intern for a beer, who was up visiting and we took off.  I am already planning to go up again this weekend... and I finally got excited about learning something I just didn't have the time for before.  Again, it is good to be home.

Martin Luther King

A little fact about me, I went to a predominately black middle school, Martin Luther King Jr Middle School.  To quote one of my friends, "That explains so much."  The school was 80% black students, then some percentage of Mexican and then the white kids and "other."  I was the only white student in any of my core classes during the 6th grade... that was a rough year for me.  I quickly did what any middle school student would do and tried to blend in.  The blond hair and freckles didn't make it easy.  I can even remember one guy asking me if I was albino.  Nonetheless, I went to school everyday, tried to hide the fact that I knew how to do the math homework and just blend in. 

TLC quickly became my music of choice, followed by the pair of colored FILAS and nodding my head when the kids would use the term "chronic" as an adjective, verb, noun... what I would have given to have Google on my phone then.  I learned alot about life and how society starts to influence what we say and who we hang out with.  It was not easy.

I was in the band.  I wasn't the best but I was good enough to be respected.  We had an amazing band.  When MLK Day would roll around, the band and choir would put on a school performance like you had never seen.  I learned about the man in every class and he was celebrated.  I would then spend the next month of February learning tons of black history and reading things I might have otherwise, never picked up.

I hated that school.  I hated not just blending in with everyone.  Since those hard 2+ years, I transferred in the eighth grade, I have done nothing but blend in.  I look like everyone around me.  I think Dr. King's dream may have passed right over me... and I hate that.

Playoffs? Playoffs!

Friend:  Guess who got tickets to the Bronco game?  Want to go?
Me:  Really?  I am too emotional, not sure I can handle it if they lose.
Friend:  Yeah, I know.  And it is supposed to be cold.  I can't handle another game like last week.
Me:  Maybe we should just watch it at home?
Friend:  But what if they win and we don't go?
Me:  You are right.  Let's go.

That's right.  I almost didn't go to the playoff game against the Steelers.  I had flashbacks of the three losses I did see at Mile Hi this year and how two of them ended with me getting in a fight with someone.  Stay classy Raider Fan in the bathroom.  This was a dark moment in my love for the Broncos, almost not going to the first playoff game in 7 years.  My friend ended up getting me two tickets so I took the boyfriend and she took her's...

Friday Night:  I see John Elway at the Pepsi Center for the Michael Jackson Cirque de Solei performance.  I was at the show with the couple that I always go to Bronco's Opening Day with and their family has had season tickets ever since I have known her.  If it wasn't for this friend not sure if I would have really gone to many games in the last 10 years.  I thought... do you believe in signs?  And I was convinced this was a sign, I have never seen Elway randomly in Denver.  Also reminded me, I am home.

Sunday:  I slowly get out of bed.  I love lazy Sunday mornings.  More so since I have moved into my new place.  The place is full of windows, I love watching the seasons change through these windows.  It had snowed the day before and I woke up with the sun shining through... it was going to be a great sunny day with snow on the ground.  Playoffs!  I started to get excited.  My friends came to pick us up and it was time for 3 hours of tailgating.  Her dad does a tailgate right.  Ran into some friends I hadn't seen in awhile, shot gunned beers, Jager shots, corn hole, jammy packs... and me slowly preparing for a loss, I couldn't get emotional this time... I was there to enjoy the last tailgate and game of the season at home.

The game was more exciting then the week before.  That is all we asked.  We cuddled up in our Bronco snuggies as the sun went down and enjoyed a small lead against the Pittsburgh Steelers.  We were high fiving, dancing, praying that maybe the Broncos would stop running on first down... but the game was exactly what I wanted it to be, fun.

And then we went to overtime.  We won the toss... and somehow we won on the first play of overtime.  I first thought, whoa, he is passing on first down, he caught it... at this point score a touchdown we won't win on a field goal... and then pure joy.  I stood there screaming, jumping up and down, hugging, high fiving... really I didn't want to leave.  We cheered until the last player went into the tunnel.  And then went out for pizza.

The Broncos play again tomorrow.  We are not supposed to win, but I can't help thinking... what if?

Own It

Relationships.  All relationships involve compromise.  Whether it is a coworker, roommate, friend, or lover one finds themselves in situations where they need to compromise.  If you are in the wrong relationship you may in fact compromise on something that at the time doesn't feel like a big deal, but in reality was a piece of who you were.  In the past I have struggled with "when am I compromising" versus "when am I compromising myself."  At the end of my last relationship, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror.  I had changed so much about myself to save the relationship that I didn't know who I was anymore.  I have had some friends that in order to maintain the friendship I had to constantly put their needs in front of my own.. needless to say when I started to define myself again, those relationships did not last.

I did not want to make this mistake again.  I never want to be lost in my head.  So I did what any engineer would do, I made a list.  I wrote down everything I loved about myself and promised never to compromise with anything on that list.  So far, so good.  I was alone and I embraced it.  I love what I see in the mirror everyday.  I work everyday to be a better person.  I still make mistakes.  But everything I do, everything I say, I own it.  I own it because it makes me, me. 

My friend sent me this link to the video below.  I love it.  It reminds me of all those nights I sat alone in Dallas, reading, writing, running, dancing in the mirror, redefining myself and owning where I was.  "Lonely is healing if you make it."  I still need my alone time to reflect and sometimes heal.  Alone time allows me to verify I am owning who I am, that I like who I am and on those days where I don't want to explain my position to someone that will never understand because they have a hard time owning who they are... I can just smile and be alone.  Take a deep breathe, look around and be thankful that I know who I am again. 

New Years

NYE 2008

It is my favorite holiday.  I can't handle the people that tell me it never lives up to expectations.  Like most things, it is what you make it.  I am not sure at what point in my life I decided I always wanted to be doing something on New Years Eve, but I have been documenting a few of the trips.  It might have started NYE 2003 when I went to New Orleans.  After that it was a roller coaster with a couple trips to Austin, Fort Worth, Chicago, Dallas and then back to Denver to wind up in San Fransico for NYE 2011. 

NYE 2009

I spent this year with a friend I have known since the 8th grade and a friend I just reconnected with, could not have been happier.  Ok, the boyfriend could have come with me but I planned this trip before I knew he was a keeper.  We checked out the bay area, ate some AMAZING food, danced, Tebowed in front of Raider and Charger fans... we brought in 2012.

NYE 2010

I've spent the last few weeks looking back at where I have been around this time every year.  Reminds me of a quote, "Don't look back unless that is where you are going."  Agreed.  I do however look back to make sure that I learned everything I was supposed to, to make sure I am still growing and not stuck.  This year my resolution is just to try to be a better person, all around.  Make something with my hands, continue to write, volunteer and tell the people in my life that matter, that they matter. 

NYE 2011