Life changes. I get it. Hell, I am living it and some days just simply rolling with it. Lately I wonder if my time in Texas helped at all in discovering what I like? I get that question all the time, "What do you like to do?" Well, I used to do triathlons and worked out all the time. However, I really don't do that anymore, in fact I haven't done a triathlon since my Half Ironman in 2009 and I work out during the week to sustain my social life on the weekends. I recently had the opportunity to participate in a triathlon with some friends up in Silverthorne, CO. I went for the longer option 0.5 mile swim, 20 mile bike and 6.2 mile run. I went up there, gave it all I could, met some cool people, enjoyed the beautiful state around me and decided somewhere around mile 12 on the bike this is my last triathlon.
I don't know why I felt like that. Triathlons were the one thing I loved doing with the ex, he wasn't there this time. It was my way to meet people in Texas, I am not in Texas. I had to leave a friends birthday party to wake up at 5:30am on Sunday and I was not happy about it. Triathlons do not fit the lifestyle I find myself living, the one I am currently enjoying. I don't know if I am throwing in the towel for good... but I taking an indefinite leave of absence.
When you realize you are slowly closing the doors of your previous life so that you can open the doors to your new life, emotions surface. I learned so much about who I am and what I don't want in my 20s... but what do I want? I am still opening those doors to find out. Lately that has included hanging out with a 26 year old construction worker. I can't explain this one. I have learned that trying to explain it just sounds like a really bad late night movie. I thought he was just filling an emotional void since I never heard from the Vegan post-Brazil... but then one night after our softball game he goes, "This would be alot easier if you would give me a chance." So, why not? Not sure what I have to lose at this point. "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." -Einstein
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Check Please?
It is a hot topic among the single ladies: when a guy takes you out when are you obligated to offer to pay? What does it mean if he lets you pay? Or if you split the check? I have firm ground here, I hope the guy pays for the first couple of dates and then I offer to pick something up or make dinner... I will typically offer to help with tip in hopes that he turns me down. If it doesn't go this way, I lose interest pretty fast. For other women, it is different... they don't mind splitting the check, or even paying.
This is the only rule that makes sense to me when it comes to dating. Seriously. That is it. Nothing else makes sense, everyone does it their own way... and from what I have observed, not sure who has it all figured out. In the last 18 months I have dated a wide range of guys, from the investment analyst to the environmental lawyer, from the construction sales rep to the construction worker... I have kind of liked them all. I will say though, of the four that came to mind right away, three just ended things the classy way, but not calling back. Technically, you are allowed to do that. Technically, Sarah Palin has the right to run for President, doesn't mean she should.
I got this from a friend: While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what's usually overlooked is that, really and truly, it couldn't have. Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things "might have been," are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.
So I have accepted that I may be dating for a long time. That is fine. And after each first date I look forward to discussing with my girlfriends, who paid for what.
This is the only rule that makes sense to me when it comes to dating. Seriously. That is it. Nothing else makes sense, everyone does it their own way... and from what I have observed, not sure who has it all figured out. In the last 18 months I have dated a wide range of guys, from the investment analyst to the environmental lawyer, from the construction sales rep to the construction worker... I have kind of liked them all. I will say though, of the four that came to mind right away, three just ended things the classy way, but not calling back. Technically, you are allowed to do that. Technically, Sarah Palin has the right to run for President, doesn't mean she should.
I got this from a friend: While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what's usually overlooked is that, really and truly, it couldn't have. Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things "might have been," are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.
So I have accepted that I may be dating for a long time. That is fine. And after each first date I look forward to discussing with my girlfriends, who paid for what.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I Haven't Seen the Half of It
Sometimes I think I went through the worst year anyone could have, my last year in Texas. Then I think, that is a pretty selfish thought. When in reality since I have been home I have seen some close friends go through some serious life changes that make my last year in Texas pale in comparison. We all go through things, we really can't put them on a scale of "which is worse" because when you experiencing it, nothing is worse. Only when you get out of it or accept it, and emerge a stronger, better person, that you realize, it wasn't THAT bad.
The months leading up to my return to Colorado, I got support from people that I would have never thought would be there for me. One in particular I co-captained my high school basketball team with. Our friendship took some really long path, including years we didn't talk, didn't really care for the other person and eventually she became one of my closer friends. That last year in Texas she made herself available to me... even though that meant taking time away from her husband and little girl... she made me a priority when I needed it the most. She even celebrated my 29th birthday in a leaky limo on a rainy night in Texas, and was there when I finally moved back. A couple of months ago she was diagnosed with MS.
She still takes time out to meet me for breakfast or dinner, and I realize just how hard it is for moms to get away, and I appreciate it each time. I love that I am home where I can at least attempt to be there for her like she was for me. But I don't have answers, solutions... I hate that. All I know is each time I see her I want to remind her that she is not my friend with MS, she is my friend that has always been there, who has an amazing life and will somehow incorporate this into her routine and will become better than she was before. In the end that is what I have learned... we will all go through stuff and sometimes it is not fair... and if you really want to be a better person, you will accept it, learn from it and wake up smiling because it was all for a reason.
I am only 30. I haven't seen the half of it. Hard times are still ahead of me and my friends, but we will get through them together. To celebrate my amazing friend I have decided to raise money for MS Research in typical Morgan fashion, by participating in a race. Any support is appreciated, this time it is for a cause, for a person, that means so much to me.
Click Here
The months leading up to my return to Colorado, I got support from people that I would have never thought would be there for me. One in particular I co-captained my high school basketball team with. Our friendship took some really long path, including years we didn't talk, didn't really care for the other person and eventually she became one of my closer friends. That last year in Texas she made herself available to me... even though that meant taking time away from her husband and little girl... she made me a priority when I needed it the most. She even celebrated my 29th birthday in a leaky limo on a rainy night in Texas, and was there when I finally moved back. A couple of months ago she was diagnosed with MS.
She still takes time out to meet me for breakfast or dinner, and I realize just how hard it is for moms to get away, and I appreciate it each time. I love that I am home where I can at least attempt to be there for her like she was for me. But I don't have answers, solutions... I hate that. All I know is each time I see her I want to remind her that she is not my friend with MS, she is my friend that has always been there, who has an amazing life and will somehow incorporate this into her routine and will become better than she was before. In the end that is what I have learned... we will all go through stuff and sometimes it is not fair... and if you really want to be a better person, you will accept it, learn from it and wake up smiling because it was all for a reason.
I am only 30. I haven't seen the half of it. Hard times are still ahead of me and my friends, but we will get through them together. To celebrate my amazing friend I have decided to raise money for MS Research in typical Morgan fashion, by participating in a race. Any support is appreciated, this time it is for a cause, for a person, that means so much to me.
Click Here
Friday, July 15, 2011
One Extreme to Another
It is deeply rooted into my personality to jump from one extreme to another. I was thinking about this as I was losing my 100th softball game in a row last night. There is this guy on my team, younger (of course, 26), construction worker, hot... it has become clear to me over the last couple of weeks that he is interested in hanging out away from softball. -- it must be my amazing skillz, that is all i got to say I am thinking about it, he is hot and we do have fun on the team together... but here I go, thinking about someone that is the exact opposite of the Vegan. This won't be the first guy, the ex was COMPLETE opposite of the guy I moved to Texas for. Going from the extreme alpha male to the extreme beta male,what was I thinking... where is my in between? Not really looking to making that mistake again.
I do it in life too... I go from not dating to a multi-year relationship. A job that requires all my energy to one that maybe demands 50 percent. I go from only running and reading every night to having a social calendar that rivals Kim Kardashian. If I am going to run, I am going to do a marathon. I either sit on the couch and do nothing or workout for two hours. I am all or nothing.
I can remember sitting in my office in Dallas, on the verge of tears from the stress that was taking over my life. My boss walks in to give me more stuff to do, and I just look at him, "I am going to break, is there someone else that can do this?" After he convinces me that I am the one that needs to do this new task, he follows it up with, "You need to work on your work-life balance." Fuck you. That is what I thought. Don't come to me with your corporate buzz words when I am busting my ass, failing at my relationship, lacking friendships... but it was true. It still is true. I have got to find the middle instead of going from one extreme to another.
I do it in life too... I go from not dating to a multi-year relationship. A job that requires all my energy to one that maybe demands 50 percent. I go from only running and reading every night to having a social calendar that rivals Kim Kardashian. If I am going to run, I am going to do a marathon. I either sit on the couch and do nothing or workout for two hours. I am all or nothing.
I can remember sitting in my office in Dallas, on the verge of tears from the stress that was taking over my life. My boss walks in to give me more stuff to do, and I just look at him, "I am going to break, is there someone else that can do this?" After he convinces me that I am the one that needs to do this new task, he follows it up with, "You need to work on your work-life balance." Fuck you. That is what I thought. Don't come to me with your corporate buzz words when I am busting my ass, failing at my relationship, lacking friendships... but it was true. It still is true. I have got to find the middle instead of going from one extreme to another.
Monday, July 11, 2011
My To Do List
Colorado is amazing. I almost forgot how much it is a part of me. I am not sure I could have reconnected with my life and the person I want to be anywhere else. With that being said, I have no vacation and not a whole lot of money... so I created a Colorado To Do List (see side bar). I have been slowly checking things off the list, and when someone asks what trips I have planned... I just tell them I don't, but I have my to do list.
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| Rockies Home Opener... uhhh, it was as amazing as it looks. |
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| St Mary's Glacier... I have always wanted to go and never did. I think I need to go back in the summer. |
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| Mt. Bierdstat - 14,065 ft - Ho Hum just another 14er |
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| Half Marathon in Moab - My first Moab trip and nature race, loved it (loved the girls too) |
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| I have never been to the Bluebird on Colfax. I loved this venue and Foster the People were pretty entertaining. Ironicaly I went with an old Dallas coworker. Life is crazy. |
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| I haven't been to the Filmore since they renamed it... and to see Mumford and Sons, are you kidding me? Perfect. |
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| White water rafting... great year for runoff. Haven't done this since Costa Rica - 2006 |
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| Red Rocks. Avett Brothers. Best Concert Venue in the United States, I stand by that. This is my second home. |
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| First time snowshoeing! Not too many firsts left, I think, but they sure are fun. |
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Three Sides to Every Story
I have always heard there are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle. The other night when I was sitting in my friend's mom's amazing backyard enjoying the best cup of tea and getting motherly advice on life. One thing my friend's mom said that got me thinking, "Remember there are three sides to every story, her version, his version and the truth."
I printed out every blog from last year, I sometimes read it... that is my version of what happened. I am sure every person I mention has a completely different version... and is the truth something separate of both accounts? When you go through something that is so painful to both parties, does the truth completely get lost? Does it really matter how it went down? Maya Angelou said it best, "People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I try to carry that with me. I got to a place last year where I probably wasn't looking at anything from anyone else's prospective... not an objective place to be. Not a good place to be.
I am completely in love with my life. I am in a great place to worry about the consequences of my actions, what a great place to be. I was talking climate change with the Vegan, and I asked him "do you ever read the argument against climate change?" He looked at me like I was crazy, there is not another side... I agree, but I have read it... thanks to my old running partner who likes to send me links to Fox News. Moments like that make me realize, I am not the only one that went through last year, it felt like it at the time, but I wasn't. I see that now... and somewhere, there is the truth, but it is not my version and it is not his version, that I know for sure.
I printed out every blog from last year, I sometimes read it... that is my version of what happened. I am sure every person I mention has a completely different version... and is the truth something separate of both accounts? When you go through something that is so painful to both parties, does the truth completely get lost? Does it really matter how it went down? Maya Angelou said it best, "People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I try to carry that with me. I got to a place last year where I probably wasn't looking at anything from anyone else's prospective... not an objective place to be. Not a good place to be.
I am completely in love with my life. I am in a great place to worry about the consequences of my actions, what a great place to be. I was talking climate change with the Vegan, and I asked him "do you ever read the argument against climate change?" He looked at me like I was crazy, there is not another side... I agree, but I have read it... thanks to my old running partner who likes to send me links to Fox News. Moments like that make me realize, I am not the only one that went through last year, it felt like it at the time, but I wasn't. I see that now... and somewhere, there is the truth, but it is not my version and it is not his version, that I know for sure.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
What Does She Bring to the Table?
One of the craziest moments... walking down the streets of Newport, RI in the rain and getting caught up in a bachelorette party gone wrong. A few of the girls in the back were yelling at the group of girls about 20 yards ahead of them, basically describing a member of the party that did not "bring anything to the table." I just chalked it up to age and immaturity and walked as fast as I could to get out of the rain.
Through any life change, you realize that some people in your life may not make it to where you are going... what they bring to the table, you don't want or need anymore. I am a firm believer in that everyone brings something to the table, something you need in your life at that moment. You just may not realize it at the time. Sometimes you recognize instantly what a certain person will bring into your life, other times it takes a few rounds of hanging out before you get it. With all the changes in my life over the last 10 years, I accept that people come into my life for a lifetime, reason or season... accept that, love that, learn from that.
That is my challenge to myself. To not hang out with people that are just like me, that would do everything the way I would do it. I am not perfect. It takes less time to get to know those that are inline with your life... but it is more fun to see the world through someone else's eyes. A year ago, I didn't bring much to the table. I worked, ran and that was about it. Thank you to those that stuck by my side when I wasn't myself, when I was going through change... who didn't judge me for doing things differently than they would do it. Time to pay that forward... and have a lot of fun in the process.
Through any life change, you realize that some people in your life may not make it to where you are going... what they bring to the table, you don't want or need anymore. I am a firm believer in that everyone brings something to the table, something you need in your life at that moment. You just may not realize it at the time. Sometimes you recognize instantly what a certain person will bring into your life, other times it takes a few rounds of hanging out before you get it. With all the changes in my life over the last 10 years, I accept that people come into my life for a lifetime, reason or season... accept that, love that, learn from that.
That is my challenge to myself. To not hang out with people that are just like me, that would do everything the way I would do it. I am not perfect. It takes less time to get to know those that are inline with your life... but it is more fun to see the world through someone else's eyes. A year ago, I didn't bring much to the table. I worked, ran and that was about it. Thank you to those that stuck by my side when I wasn't myself, when I was going through change... who didn't judge me for doing things differently than they would do it. Time to pay that forward... and have a lot of fun in the process.
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