One Extreme to Another

It is deeply rooted into my personality to jump from one extreme to another.  I was thinking about this as I was losing my 100th softball game in a row last night.  There is this guy on my team, younger (of course, 26), construction worker, hot... it has become clear to me over the last couple of weeks that he is interested in hanging out away from softball.  -- it must be my amazing skillz, that is all i got to say  I am thinking about it, he is hot and we do have fun on the team together... but here I go, thinking about someone that is the exact opposite of the Vegan.  This won't be the first guy, the ex was COMPLETE opposite of the guy I moved to Texas for.  Going from the extreme alpha male to the extreme beta male,what was I thinking... where is my in between?  Not really looking to making that mistake again.

I do it in life too... I go from not dating to a multi-year relationship.  A job that requires all my energy to one that maybe demands 50 percent.  I go from only running and reading every night to having a social calendar that rivals Kim Kardashian.   If I am going to run, I am going to do a marathon.  I either sit on the couch and do nothing or workout for two hours.  I am all or nothing. 

I can remember sitting in my office in Dallas, on the verge of tears from the stress that was taking over my life.  My boss walks in to give me more stuff to do, and I just look at him, "I am going to break, is there someone else that can do this?"  After he convinces me that I am the one that needs to do this new task, he follows it up with, "You need to work on your work-life balance."  Fuck you.  That is what I thought.  Don't come to me with your corporate buzz words when I am busting my ass, failing at my relationship, lacking friendships... but it was true.  It still is true.  I have got to find the middle instead of going from one extreme to another.

My To Do List

Colorado is amazing.  I almost forgot how much it is a part of me.  I am not sure I could have reconnected with my life and the person I want to be anywhere else.  With that being said, I have no vacation and not a whole lot of money... so I created a Colorado To Do List (see side bar).  I have been slowly checking things off the list, and when someone asks what trips I have planned... I just tell them I don't, but I have my to do list.

Rockies Home Opener... uhhh, it was as amazing as it looks.

St Mary's Glacier... I have always wanted to go and never did.  I think I need to go back in the summer.

Mt. Bierdstat - 14,065 ft - Ho Hum just another 14er

Half Marathon in Moab - My first Moab trip and nature race, loved it (loved the girls too)

I have never been to the Bluebird on Colfax.  I loved this venue and Foster the People were pretty entertaining.  Ironicaly I went with an old Dallas coworker.  Life is crazy.

I haven't been to the Filmore since they renamed it... and to see Mumford and Sons, are you kidding me? Perfect.

White water rafting... great year for runoff.  Haven't done this since Costa Rica - 2006

Red Rocks.  Avett Brothers.  Best Concert Venue in the United States, I stand by that.  This is my second home.

First time snowshoeing!  Not too many firsts left, I think, but they sure are fun.

Three Sides to Every Story

I have always heard there are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle. The other night when I was sitting in my friend's mom's amazing backyard enjoying the best cup of tea and getting motherly advice on life. One thing my friend's mom said that got me thinking, "Remember there are three sides to every story, her version, his version and the truth."

I printed out every blog from last year, I sometimes read it... that is my version of what happened. I am sure every person I mention has a completely different version... and is the truth something separate of both accounts? When you go through something that is so painful to both parties, does the truth completely get lost? Does it really matter how it went down? Maya Angelou said it best, "People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I try to carry that with me. I got to a place last year where I probably wasn't looking at anything from anyone else's prospective... not an objective place to be. Not a good place to be.

I am completely in love with my life. I am in a great place to worry about the consequences of my actions, what a great place to be. I was talking climate change with the Vegan, and I asked him "do you ever read the argument against climate change?" He looked at me like I was crazy, there is not another side... I agree, but I have read it... thanks to my old running partner who likes to send me links to Fox News. Moments like that make me realize, I am not the only one that went through last year, it felt like it at the time, but I wasn't. I see that now... and somewhere, there is the truth, but it is not my version and it is not his version, that I know for sure.

What Does She Bring to the Table?

One of the craziest moments... walking down the streets of Newport, RI in the rain and getting caught up in a bachelorette party gone wrong. A few of the girls in the back were yelling at the group of girls about 20 yards ahead of them, basically describing a member of the party that did not "bring anything to the table." I just chalked it up to age and immaturity and walked as fast as I could to get out of the rain.

Through any life change, you realize that some people in your life may not make it to where you are going... what they bring to the table, you don't want or need anymore. I am a firm believer in that everyone brings something to the table, something you need in your life at that moment. You just may not realize it at the time. Sometimes you recognize instantly what a certain person will bring into your life, other times it takes a few rounds of hanging out before you get it. With all the changes in my life over the last 10 years, I accept that people come into my life for a lifetime, reason or season... accept that, love that, learn from that.

That is my challenge to myself. To not hang out with people that are just like me, that would do everything the way I would do it. I am not perfect. It takes less time to get to know those that are inline with your life... but it is more fun to see the world through someone else's eyes. A year ago, I didn't bring much to the table. I worked, ran and that was about it. Thank you to those that stuck by my side when I wasn't myself, when I was going through change... who didn't judge me for doing things differently than they would do it. Time to pay that forward... and have a lot of fun in the process.

Simple

Sometimes you think it is just a museum. It is just a rooftop. It is just a restrauant. It is just a date. Then you realize it is more. It is in that moment, that thought I realized I am finding complete joy in very simple things. There was a time in my life when I walked around with my ipod on, music echoing in my head and I just tried to get from A to B as fast as I could. Now, I slow down.

What happens when you slow down? You stop to talk to the museum employees that are selling tickets to a modern art exhibit. You notice the art's space. And even though you don't understand it you find yourself staring at a video (art) and you just feel. You notice the smooth transistions between frames, but feel emotion when out of nowhere you are looking at something different than what was expected, anticipated. You find the only rooftop in Denver that is not crammed with people and you find yourself talking to a Vegan about fly fishing without a hook. This same Vegan has worn the same shirt each time you have seen him. And you find comfort in this shirt and the simplicity it represents.

I know life is not simple. It can be hard. It can be unbearable. I have learned that if I refuse, forget to slow down I will make it worse. I will forget. I will forget who I am, how good it is to feel and I won't find myself in those simple moments where I have a beer in my hand, green roof below my feet and my favorite City all around me.

B.P.C.E.

It started with a simple email from a friend in Texas, "You have to do this."  I open the link and there it is, a 16 person bike that looks like a trolley car.  The gist of this vehicle, you have a driver and 10 people pedaling the rig from bar to bar.  There is a bench in the back for others and a place in the middle for someone to stand.  I forward this on to four girlfriends and tell them we should think about it.  Next thing I know the Canadian has forwarded it on to all her guy friends, we are picking a weekend and I am sending in the deposit.  The simple start to the Best Pub Crawl Ever.

What I love is that I want to organize this stuff again.  I have work.  I have a dating life.  And I have friends.  No drama, just let's get together and have a good time.  We couldn't really put together a theme, just two words, Toob Socks.  Of course, no one is on time... we get off to a frustrating late start and as we start pedaling out of the parking lot Ace of Base comes on... all is well with the world, the mood is immediately lifted. 

We hit some dive bars and then headed into LoDo (lower downtown) right into the heart of Rockies traffic.  The music play list is in full force and with one crawler in the middle of the bike wearing a shirt "Auditor by Day, Ninja By Night" the Rockies fans become pedal ride spectators as we block everyone going 5 mph.  Everyone is taking our pictures, honking, waving... we are taking Sake Bombs, pickle shots... documenting the whole adventure with a camera. 

This was just Saturday.  Thursday I spent the evening at a Mumford and Sons concert.  Easily Top 5 of all time... Friday I had a Vegan cook me dinner for the first time and then Sunday I went to the Canadian's to watch the final three episodes of Oprah.  I hope all of you are on Facebook so you can see these pictures... somethings, some feelings I can't yet put into words.  But, life is amazing.

I Owe This One

There are times when I go out and I get completely hammered, other times I am dancing and alone in my own world, and then there are times when I am the fly on the wall.  Memorial Weekend I went out with some lady friends, and I was the fly on the wall.  I wasn't really drinking and I couldn't get into the DJ.  I was however, in one of the craziest bars/dance clubs in Denver.  This joint is underground, no ventilation and every stereotype is present and accounted for... amazing people watching. 

I watch one woman who radiates confidence dance with every guy that comes by.  I notice a party in the corner and think how great it would be to be graduating college again... and then as I am testing out my two-seconds more than comfortable look on a hot guy, I get approached by another.  He is cute, tall but instantly I peg him for 24.  I have been here... done with this mental game, I decide to just talk to him.  And all he really wants to do is talk. 

I can't hear two words this kid is saying.  But I notice his black fingernails, mohawk and bracelets... oh, I love Colorado.  He buys me a drink and finally asks, "How old are you?" 

Me:  Well I know I am older than you.
Kid:  I was thinking you are 25.  (that is cute)
Me:  No, I am 30.
Kid:  Really?  You have alot of energy and look really good for 30.

Well... I am not dead.  I find out he is 22. 

Kid: Did you know I was younger than you?
Me:  Yes.
Kid:  How did you know?
Me:  Guys my age typically don't paint their nails, have a mohawk or bracelets.

Then he tells me he is new to the area and is just trying to make friends.  Apparently the hot guy I had spotted earlier was his brother, who comes over to tell me I am invited to the after party.  I tell the 22 year old how great it is that his whole group of friends will not stop watching us.  He responds, "Well I think it is because you are a girl.  I am bisexual, I hope that doesn't bother you, but they are kind of in denial about it."  I think people peg me as easy to talk to.  He asks for my number so we can be friends, I give it to him... later on that night I get this text message (not making any of this up):

what i meant tonight is that i really think ur soooooo amazing i just want 2 be friends.... im new and i need good friends like u. ur fun. goodnight :)  ur a good dancer by the way

Awwww being single.  I love it.  I think this kid has a good heart.  I have yet to met up with him and the fact that I can read and understand his text message scares me a little.  When did people stop using punctuation and start shortening 2-3 letter words?  Good thing I have alot of energy.