I will say, this is my fault.
For years I suppressed who I was and what I thought to try to fit into a world I didn't belong in, to try to be with guys I shouldn't have been with... very similar to high school. I think that is why college was such a breath of fresh air... I could be me and that was ok. Not only was it ok, but people liked who I really was. I was done with the pretending, and to some I was a bitch or in the working world "abrasive." I put on the PC hat for work, I tone it down as much as I am capable of doing without feeling like I am selling myself out. For the first time in years I don't have to do that outside of work. I have found a group of people that I can just relax, remove the filter and have a good time.
I have done a 180. I probably should have done a 90. But I just can't right now... not until I figure out who I am again. In doing this I have offended some friends. The only way I can describe it is with a conversation I had with my Boston Friend when we were first introduced as roommates:
Me: (insert smart ass comment here)
Boston Friend: I am kind of sensitive.
Me: I am not not.
And 10 years later she is one of my best friends. She accepted me for who I was and I tried to limit the verbal assassinations. I cannot change to make you feel better. Sometimes I want to, I love my friends so much. But real friends won't ask you to do that, they will not feel threatened by you. Once you accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be, become secure with who you are... the fun begins. I truly believe that.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Most Annoying Question Ever
Whenever my friends and I meet new guys, we start talking, joking around and inevitably we get asked, "Why are you guys single?" Sunday was no exception, except this time it was with a little twist, "You are almost 30 and not married?" Thanks for the age plug. But you are correct, I am almost 30 and I am not married. It seems to me that it is more acceptable to be 30 and divorced, than 30 and single. Society and expectations drive me nuts. I spent my entire 20s working towards this goal... get a good job and get married. It did not work, and I now find myself playing the hand I was dealt. I am starting to love it and I don't want to answer this question anymore. But what the hell, one more time:
No, no I am not married. It didn't work out for me, but while "most" people were getting married I was living. After putting myself through college, on my own, to become an engineer, I moved away from home and I came back. I traveled. I have seen places like Italy, Costa Rica, Mexico, Ireland, Paris. I have been to Dallas, Austin, Denver, Chicago and New Orleans for New Years. Not to mention all the random trips across the US, including Boston on Saint Patrick's Day. I took care of my little sister, I found the best people in the world to raise my niece, I owned a house, I bought a car, I had a 6 figure income, I got offered job promotions and I turned down job promotions. I have watched football at Notre Dame. I have seen my beloved Broncos play in New Orleans, Houston and Dallas and I haven't missed a home opener in YEARS. I ran a marathon and completed a half ironman. I went to concerts. I danced. I have seen all my friend's wedding who are married... I have held their babies. Just because I didn't get married doesn't mean I was sitting on my couch waiting for you to call. I was out living... finding myself. Best idea ever.
No, no I am not married. It didn't work out for me, but while "most" people were getting married I was living. After putting myself through college, on my own, to become an engineer, I moved away from home and I came back. I traveled. I have seen places like Italy, Costa Rica, Mexico, Ireland, Paris. I have been to Dallas, Austin, Denver, Chicago and New Orleans for New Years. Not to mention all the random trips across the US, including Boston on Saint Patrick's Day. I took care of my little sister, I found the best people in the world to raise my niece, I owned a house, I bought a car, I had a 6 figure income, I got offered job promotions and I turned down job promotions. I have watched football at Notre Dame. I have seen my beloved Broncos play in New Orleans, Houston and Dallas and I haven't missed a home opener in YEARS. I ran a marathon and completed a half ironman. I went to concerts. I danced. I have seen all my friend's wedding who are married... I have held their babies. Just because I didn't get married doesn't mean I was sitting on my couch waiting for you to call. I was out living... finding myself. Best idea ever.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday Funday
"So you just sit around all day and drink?" - Long Sleeve Polo
I get so excited for the weekends. I have few players in my life, my New Roommate, my New Friend turned Wingman and the Canadian. Between these three girls and the weekends, I have been having the time of my life. They have introduced me to Sunday Funday... I was never a believer in drinking off the hangover, but it so works. The trend lately has been to lay low with movies, Bachelor, dinner on Friday night... followed by a productive Saturday and a crazy Saturday Night. Before we know it, Saturday night is Sunday Funday. This past weekend was no exception.
Speed dating happened on Saturday night. I met some interesting people, my New Roommate was sitting right next to me, so we had some fun with that. It was alot of talking... too much for me. At the end I wanted to turn in my card and go meet the Canadian and Wingman. We hang out for a little while, rule one of speed dating, do not ask for phone numbers. The New Roommate breaks the rules... I don't. I don't care enough, if they like me they will get my card, hence the point of speed dating. We finally get to the Canadian's where we meet her parents, eat perogies and laugh. In this time, the Ref texted messaged me to ask if I was out. I thank you Jameson for making sure I did not stick to my rule of recycling and I tell him where we are going. Time to call Wayne the cab driver and convince my friends it is time to dance. The Wingman tries to get her friend to meet us there. He is not into Top 40 or polo shirts, she gets this classic response, "Does the DJ have you falling in love yet?"
The Ref shows up with two friends, Long Sleeve Polo and well... Tom. Ahhh the Ref. Not much to say here, he had no real reason for blowing me off... I go, "I am pretty sure your girlfriend called." We laugh and I don't care because I am there to dance and hang out with my friends. We look down the line and the Wingman has paired up with Long Sleeve Polo and my New Roommate with Tom. We have fun. The lights come up and we take off. The Ref invites us to an "after party." Or in their world, a place to watch the Australian Tennis Finals. After about 2 hours too long of that, the Wingman calls a cab, we just start yelling "Cab's heah." Thank you Jersey Shore. We say good bye to the host, Rundeep, who I mistake for Balls Deep.
The next morning, my friends and I meet Long Sleeve Polo and Tom out for Sunday Funday. The Ref is out being super productive and learning "If you play hard, you pay hard." This is my favorite part of the weekend... yes, we drink off the hangover, recap the night, make fun of eachother, laugh, play Jenga, watch hockey, plan next weekend and enjoy the entire day. Monday is rough, but worth it.
Me: Am I remembering correctly, Long Sleeve Polo wasn't wearing underwear?
Wingman: Haha nope! Commando. Ridiculous.
Me: Haha! Awesome.
Wingman: Kinda weird if you ask me. With jeans? Sounds uncomfortable.
Life stories. Can't wait for next Sunday Funday.
I get so excited for the weekends. I have few players in my life, my New Roommate, my New Friend turned Wingman and the Canadian. Between these three girls and the weekends, I have been having the time of my life. They have introduced me to Sunday Funday... I was never a believer in drinking off the hangover, but it so works. The trend lately has been to lay low with movies, Bachelor, dinner on Friday night... followed by a productive Saturday and a crazy Saturday Night. Before we know it, Saturday night is Sunday Funday. This past weekend was no exception.
Speed dating happened on Saturday night. I met some interesting people, my New Roommate was sitting right next to me, so we had some fun with that. It was alot of talking... too much for me. At the end I wanted to turn in my card and go meet the Canadian and Wingman. We hang out for a little while, rule one of speed dating, do not ask for phone numbers. The New Roommate breaks the rules... I don't. I don't care enough, if they like me they will get my card, hence the point of speed dating. We finally get to the Canadian's where we meet her parents, eat perogies and laugh. In this time, the Ref texted messaged me to ask if I was out. I thank you Jameson for making sure I did not stick to my rule of recycling and I tell him where we are going. Time to call Wayne the cab driver and convince my friends it is time to dance. The Wingman tries to get her friend to meet us there. He is not into Top 40 or polo shirts, she gets this classic response, "Does the DJ have you falling in love yet?"
The Ref shows up with two friends, Long Sleeve Polo and well... Tom. Ahhh the Ref. Not much to say here, he had no real reason for blowing me off... I go, "I am pretty sure your girlfriend called." We laugh and I don't care because I am there to dance and hang out with my friends. We look down the line and the Wingman has paired up with Long Sleeve Polo and my New Roommate with Tom. We have fun. The lights come up and we take off. The Ref invites us to an "after party." Or in their world, a place to watch the Australian Tennis Finals. After about 2 hours too long of that, the Wingman calls a cab, we just start yelling "Cab's heah." Thank you Jersey Shore. We say good bye to the host, Rundeep, who I mistake for Balls Deep.
The next morning, my friends and I meet Long Sleeve Polo and Tom out for Sunday Funday. The Ref is out being super productive and learning "If you play hard, you pay hard." This is my favorite part of the weekend... yes, we drink off the hangover, recap the night, make fun of eachother, laugh, play Jenga, watch hockey, plan next weekend and enjoy the entire day. Monday is rough, but worth it.
Me: Am I remembering correctly, Long Sleeve Polo wasn't wearing underwear?
Wingman: Haha nope! Commando. Ridiculous.
Me: Haha! Awesome.
Wingman: Kinda weird if you ask me. With jeans? Sounds uncomfortable.
Life stories. Can't wait for next Sunday Funday.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Why Not?
I can remember sitting at Five Sixty in Dallas, 18 months ago with my ex and the Guy Who Got Me Through Dallas. The ex and my friend's date were the ones doing the drinking that night, my friend and I remained sober. When the date got up to use the restroom my ex looked at my friend and goes, "Did Morgan tell you she got a job offer in Houston and wants to move there?" My friend told him yes. "Why would anyone move to Houston?" My friend goes, "Why not? I am more of a why not guy than a why." The ex look dumb founded. To those that do not know the end of that story, I turned down the job promotion to stay with the ex in Dallas, two months later he broke up with me. Lesson learned.
When someone asks me to do something I do not respond with "Who else will be there?" "Why?" "I am not sure what else I have going on." If I am available, I am doing it. This is not everyone else's attitude I am slowly finding out. And it annoys the hell out of me. If you don't want to go, just say no. Life is too short to analyze things, to worry about if you are missing out on something else. By saying yes to things, more than saying no, I have seen and done some pretty cool things with some pretty cool people. I went to the Denver Big Air Show, I have speed dating on the books, multiple Sunday Fundays, rode some back bowls, ended up at Avs games and I have laughed... alot. I am almost 30 and I almost missed out on having fun and doing what I want. Time to just live. Why not?
When someone asks me to do something I do not respond with "Who else will be there?" "Why?" "I am not sure what else I have going on." If I am available, I am doing it. This is not everyone else's attitude I am slowly finding out. And it annoys the hell out of me. If you don't want to go, just say no. Life is too short to analyze things, to worry about if you are missing out on something else. By saying yes to things, more than saying no, I have seen and done some pretty cool things with some pretty cool people. I went to the Denver Big Air Show, I have speed dating on the books, multiple Sunday Fundays, rode some back bowls, ended up at Avs games and I have laughed... alot. I am almost 30 and I almost missed out on having fun and doing what I want. Time to just live. Why not?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Getting Closer
I have been smiling alot lately... I am home, I have great friends around me, great things are happening to all the good people in my life, my job does not stress me out. What better way to document this than with another top ten list? This one is a favorite of mine, Top Ten Quotes From the Weekend:
- You should so go to prom with me, I play football.
- Let er rip.
- We just committed you to prom. Thank us later.
- Sorry about the texts last night.
- If I get herpes does that mean I am out of the group?
- "Hi, I am Ezra." "Bullshit you are Ludicris. LUDA!"
- Are we going to cuddle?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Numbers Game
I have lately joked around that dating is a numbers game. The more you date, the higher the chance you meet someone worth dating. I am convinced that I do not want anything more than dating at this point in my life, that does not mean that I don't want to meet someone that is worth my time.
Last Friday my old/new roommate and I took out a new girl that we had just met, recent break-up, new to the area... love her. We talk about being eachother's wingmen, but how we liked being around eachother because we could wonder off to talk to other people and no one would care. That night I found myself without either girl for a long time... they come back.
Me: Ummm... thanks for leaving me.
New Friend: What? There were like three guys talking to you. And who was that guy that bought you a shot?
I didn't even notice the three guys hitting on me and I took the shot to be nice. I really wanted my girls. I find myself getting hit on, but just want my girls there to make me laugh. For the last three years I have been so starved for real, deep friendships, I have had boyfriends, I don't want that. Then yesterday I had several really good people ask me to come watch football... I end up and my New Friend's place.
She opens the door and there are three of the guys, her friends, we had met/partyed with the night before. The Canadian shows up... we crowd in on several couches, tap the keg and hang out like we have known eachother for years. It was the most random, funny and eye-opening 8 hours of my life. Since I have left Colorado I have been playing the number game with friends and guys... still working on the guy part, but I think I have finally won when it comes to friends. The four of us, the Canadian, the Old Roommate and the New Friend are all on our own journeys to figure things out... but I have a feeling it will be drama-free, a fun adventure and one journey we will never have to be alone on.
Last Friday my old/new roommate and I took out a new girl that we had just met, recent break-up, new to the area... love her. We talk about being eachother's wingmen, but how we liked being around eachother because we could wonder off to talk to other people and no one would care. That night I found myself without either girl for a long time... they come back.
Me: Ummm... thanks for leaving me.
New Friend: What? There were like three guys talking to you. And who was that guy that bought you a shot?
I didn't even notice the three guys hitting on me and I took the shot to be nice. I really wanted my girls. I find myself getting hit on, but just want my girls there to make me laugh. For the last three years I have been so starved for real, deep friendships, I have had boyfriends, I don't want that. Then yesterday I had several really good people ask me to come watch football... I end up and my New Friend's place.
She opens the door and there are three of the guys, her friends, we had met/partyed with the night before. The Canadian shows up... we crowd in on several couches, tap the keg and hang out like we have known eachother for years. It was the most random, funny and eye-opening 8 hours of my life. Since I have left Colorado I have been playing the number game with friends and guys... still working on the guy part, but I think I have finally won when it comes to friends. The four of us, the Canadian, the Old Roommate and the New Friend are all on our own journeys to figure things out... but I have a feeling it will be drama-free, a fun adventure and one journey we will never have to be alone on.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Nothing Happened Today
I walked into my house last night around 8pm... my roommate asked, "How was your day?" "It was fine. Nothing really happened." I ate some leftover spaghetti, watched Modern Family and started to get ready for the next day. As I was lying in bed I realized, nothing happened today. I smiled and thought about how great the day truly was. A day without drama, without insult, just a day full of what I wanted.
I woke up, made my coffee and headed into work. All the way there I jammed out to my recent, impromptu purchase of N'Syncs Greatest Hits. I get to work, do my thing. I learn some exciting things about my Ironman Friend, talk to a great friend in San Antonio... and it starts to snow. I love the snow. I head to my gym for bootcamp. I kill it. I love the new challenge and well... the hot trainer. I confirm via text message that the next night will consist of happy hour and an Avs game. I invite the Accountant. He is still holed up due to his ankle surgery... but I like the flirty text message thing, I can wait for the ankle to heal to see if this is going anywhere. I head home while talking with the guy who got me through Dallas, we catch up. Life is about to change in a crazy way for him, all I say, "There are going to be days where you feel overwhelmed." And then I walk in my front door, still snowing and catch up with the roommate.
Nothing happened today. I could live the rest of my life out like this.
There were days when I would just wake up scared, what, what is going to happen today? I don't feel that way anymore. Life flows... and I am finally going with it.
I woke up, made my coffee and headed into work. All the way there I jammed out to my recent, impromptu purchase of N'Syncs Greatest Hits. I get to work, do my thing. I learn some exciting things about my Ironman Friend, talk to a great friend in San Antonio... and it starts to snow. I love the snow. I head to my gym for bootcamp. I kill it. I love the new challenge and well... the hot trainer. I confirm via text message that the next night will consist of happy hour and an Avs game. I invite the Accountant. He is still holed up due to his ankle surgery... but I like the flirty text message thing, I can wait for the ankle to heal to see if this is going anywhere. I head home while talking with the guy who got me through Dallas, we catch up. Life is about to change in a crazy way for him, all I say, "There are going to be days where you feel overwhelmed." And then I walk in my front door, still snowing and catch up with the roommate.
Nothing happened today. I could live the rest of my life out like this.
There were days when I would just wake up scared, what, what is going to happen today? I don't feel that way anymore. Life flows... and I am finally going with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)