I am sitting there with my roommate as she was telling me about the guy she has been hanging out with recently. She dated him about a year ago, things just kind of fizzled out. She told her friend that she was dating the same guy, he goes, "Why are you recycling? Don't bring old stuff into the New Year." Classic line. I loved it.
When I was younger my stepdad moved in and out of our house for a period of 2 to 3 years. I told myself that I would never get into a relationship like this, if it doesn't work the first time, it is not going to work. But, I have done it, it is the path of least resistance, sometimes it works out for people. What I have learned this last year, the path of least resistance usually leads somewhere you do not want to go. Then I get some random text message from the Ref telling me he was interested in seeing me again. We all have our theories here, lifelong girlfriend called it off again, he was drunk, I am officially the "reliever." Whatever the case I was willing to give him a second chance, told him I was available the next Friday, he said he didn't want to wait that long but would. My gut told me not to trust him, my friends told me not to do it... one even pointed out, "you teach people how to treat you." I was willing to hear him out.
Yesterday I asked him if everything was still on, at 1 am I get this text message, "I can’t do dinner on Friday. In my drunk stupor I forgot I am taking my mom skiing. It’s her Christmas present. Can we reschedule? Sorry.” Sure I can let slide that he fell off the face of the earth for a month, we weren’t really dating… but this text message irked me. One, really 1 am? Two, at what point were you going to let me know that you forgot you already had plans. Three, not flattered that you contacted me when you were drunk. Four, this is coming to me with a problem not a solution… no time for that.
So I respond with “Have so much fun skiing! It is probably better if we don’t reschedule.”
It sucks for me. I liked this one. But I finally know I deserve better, reaffirmed I need to listen to my gut. This guy will not be recycled.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
All Four Seasons
Winter finally came to Denver this last week. It snowed twice in 10 days, at least 7 inches each time. It was this time that I realized I need new tires and unlike Dallas, when it snows you are still expected to get around and be to work on time. Love it! I also ran on the snow covered trail near my house. The air was so cold that it hurt to breathe... it reminded me of running through one of the longest fall seasons I have had in awhile... and then I realized, I will experience all four seasons for the rest of my life.
Lately it has really hit me that I am home. Being in the City on New Years was the first real sign... looking around, seeing old and new faces. I was then invited to my first dinner party in Denver, followed by drinks at the bar that has taken over the Real World Denver house from MTV. At the dinner party, my friend brought out the gloves she got from Champ Baily at the Broncos v Kansas City game in Arrowhead... YES! It feels so great to be surrounded by people that are into the same thing I am, no drama.
With the turn of the season, accompanied by the pain in my knee from the marathon, I have decided I will be in the gym more. I signed up for a Boot Camp, three days a week for 12 weeks. We had our assessment last night, this confirmed I am not flexible and I am not in shape. My trainer looks like he belongs in a Ben Affleck/ Matt Damon movie and has the accent to go with it... I think it will be a great 12 weeks. I will be completing the class right before the Rockies Home Opener and my birthday. Still sprinting towards 30...
Lately it has really hit me that I am home. Being in the City on New Years was the first real sign... looking around, seeing old and new faces. I was then invited to my first dinner party in Denver, followed by drinks at the bar that has taken over the Real World Denver house from MTV. At the dinner party, my friend brought out the gloves she got from Champ Baily at the Broncos v Kansas City game in Arrowhead... YES! It feels so great to be surrounded by people that are into the same thing I am, no drama.
With the turn of the season, accompanied by the pain in my knee from the marathon, I have decided I will be in the gym more. I signed up for a Boot Camp, three days a week for 12 weeks. We had our assessment last night, this confirmed I am not flexible and I am not in shape. My trainer looks like he belongs in a Ben Affleck/ Matt Damon movie and has the accent to go with it... I think it will be a great 12 weeks. I will be completing the class right before the Rockies Home Opener and my birthday. Still sprinting towards 30...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Critics
Critics. I think we all have them. I apparently have just chosen to ignore mine or convince myself that if I let someone in, just enough, they will understand. I have continued to get criticism on my blog from people I wouldn't even consider friends, they were just coworkers. The truth is a part of me always wanted the ex to read it, maybe then he would understand what he did to me, how he made me feel and why I left. I am not sure if he was one of the recent ex-coworkers to stumble across it, but it doesn't matter. For the first time since I have opened up I was criticized.
When it comes to my profession I am open to criticism, even in relationships I hold close to my heart... but if you do not know me, really know me, it just makes me upset. Who is to decide whose perception is "more right?" If I have a conversation with you, we will each take away different accounts of what happened. It is life. I used to be heavily involved in politics. After GW was elected, not once but twice, I backed down. I waved my flag. John Mayer said it perfectly, "Is there anyone who ever remembers changing their mind from the paint on a sign?" This blog isn't going to make anyone see anything differently. All I wanted when I started blogging a year ago was an outlet, it gave me that. These are my views, opinions and perception of what I experience. Is that different than Steeler Fan, the Ref, the ex... I am pretty certain. Is it different than how it is read by people I love in life? Yes.
Life is amazing. In all of a week's time someone can tell me they love the blog, someone can tell me my words are poison and someone else can call me perfect. It all makes me smile. I just want to hold on and enjoy the ride... I like my critics. They remind me just how great things really are.
When it comes to my profession I am open to criticism, even in relationships I hold close to my heart... but if you do not know me, really know me, it just makes me upset. Who is to decide whose perception is "more right?" If I have a conversation with you, we will each take away different accounts of what happened. It is life. I used to be heavily involved in politics. After GW was elected, not once but twice, I backed down. I waved my flag. John Mayer said it perfectly, "Is there anyone who ever remembers changing their mind from the paint on a sign?" This blog isn't going to make anyone see anything differently. All I wanted when I started blogging a year ago was an outlet, it gave me that. These are my views, opinions and perception of what I experience. Is that different than Steeler Fan, the Ref, the ex... I am pretty certain. Is it different than how it is read by people I love in life? Yes.
Life is amazing. In all of a week's time someone can tell me they love the blog, someone can tell me my words are poison and someone else can call me perfect. It all makes me smile. I just want to hold on and enjoy the ride... I like my critics. They remind me just how great things really are.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I Am Not Perfect
The Accountant broke his ankle and had to have surgery Monday... so we have yet to go out, we really just text once and awhile. I get this text message Sunday: "How was your weekend?" I respond with "Typical NYE shit show. Canadians, dancing, alcohol, football." It was a great New Years. I got dressed up, sang with new and old friends, danced, made out and made some bad decisions courtesy of New Years Eve. I wouldn't change a thing.
I have gone out many times on New Years Eve. I have been in New Orleans, Austin, Chicago, Dallas, Denver... all to celebrate the ringing of a New Year. My running partner gave me this quote that I am taking with me into 2011:
Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~ Hal Borland
It was the next night, January 1 that got my year started in a way that I knew 2011 would be different. My new friend, The Canadian, had her cousins in from out of town. They wanted to see the bars in Downtown Denver... that and it was Steeler Fan's Birthday. I am a firm believer that no one should be alone on their birthday, so I invite him out. I have never in my life gone out on January 1. Who still has the energy? Who still wants to drink? The Canadians and true alcoholics apparently. Downtown looked just like that... snow covered streets with only a few people scattered throughout. We start at an Irish bar, share stories of sheep sitings in Canada, why Americans refuse the word cutlery and how NYE was a reminder that people should not tag others in photos on Facebook. It was a random group, all new people in my life minus my Old Roommate, and I couldn't stop laughing. We head to the next bar, the Ginnmill. I have always wanted to go here, but never have... I love all the new places I am going to in an old familiar way.
We all walk into a little Jay-Z playing, we found the rest of the crazy people who were drinking off their hangovers from the night before. More dancing, drinks, pictures, laughs... It was good to take Steeler Fan out as well as the Canadians. After our typical late night search for a cab, we find a van and driver Wayne. Best cab ride ever. We cruise to multiple stops all the while listening to some Nine Inch Nails Mash-up. Say goodbye to the Canadians... I invite Steeler Fan to sleep on my couch to save on cab fare. We started talking in my room and just stay there. He asked again if I would date him. A part of me wants to, he is such a nice guy... but I have done that before, and it didn't work out. Right now I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend, the thought of checking in and calling the same person everyday, scares the hell out of me. This is what he wants. I can't give that to him and I may never be able to. As I am explaining this I tell him of a conversation I had during my marathon with the running partner, where I essentially say, "I forgot how fun I was." Steeler Fan told me he can't picture me not being fun and laughing. He told me that is all I am ever doing. He then told me something I can't shake, "You are perfect." My response, "I am not perfect."
We agreed it is probably best that we don't hang out as friends for awhile... all the while I can't believe someone used the word perfect to describe me. I can think of other words I have heard to describe me, hard, abrasive, crazy, selfish... I have also heard, kinda great, giving, hard worker... never perfect. Who knows where this year takes me? I am excited though.
I have gone out many times on New Years Eve. I have been in New Orleans, Austin, Chicago, Dallas, Denver... all to celebrate the ringing of a New Year. My running partner gave me this quote that I am taking with me into 2011:
Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~ Hal Borland
It was the next night, January 1 that got my year started in a way that I knew 2011 would be different. My new friend, The Canadian, had her cousins in from out of town. They wanted to see the bars in Downtown Denver... that and it was Steeler Fan's Birthday. I am a firm believer that no one should be alone on their birthday, so I invite him out. I have never in my life gone out on January 1. Who still has the energy? Who still wants to drink? The Canadians and true alcoholics apparently. Downtown looked just like that... snow covered streets with only a few people scattered throughout. We start at an Irish bar, share stories of sheep sitings in Canada, why Americans refuse the word cutlery and how NYE was a reminder that people should not tag others in photos on Facebook. It was a random group, all new people in my life minus my Old Roommate, and I couldn't stop laughing. We head to the next bar, the Ginnmill. I have always wanted to go here, but never have... I love all the new places I am going to in an old familiar way.
We all walk into a little Jay-Z playing, we found the rest of the crazy people who were drinking off their hangovers from the night before. More dancing, drinks, pictures, laughs... It was good to take Steeler Fan out as well as the Canadians. After our typical late night search for a cab, we find a van and driver Wayne. Best cab ride ever. We cruise to multiple stops all the while listening to some Nine Inch Nails Mash-up. Say goodbye to the Canadians... I invite Steeler Fan to sleep on my couch to save on cab fare. We started talking in my room and just stay there. He asked again if I would date him. A part of me wants to, he is such a nice guy... but I have done that before, and it didn't work out. Right now I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend, the thought of checking in and calling the same person everyday, scares the hell out of me. This is what he wants. I can't give that to him and I may never be able to. As I am explaining this I tell him of a conversation I had during my marathon with the running partner, where I essentially say, "I forgot how fun I was." Steeler Fan told me he can't picture me not being fun and laughing. He told me that is all I am ever doing. He then told me something I can't shake, "You are perfect." My response, "I am not perfect."
We agreed it is probably best that we don't hang out as friends for awhile... all the while I can't believe someone used the word perfect to describe me. I can think of other words I have heard to describe me, hard, abrasive, crazy, selfish... I have also heard, kinda great, giving, hard worker... never perfect. Who knows where this year takes me? I am excited though.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
I would like to thank a blast from my past (the guy who hates my blog and rallied up the twiiter followers) for helping me set my New Years Resolution. It has been a year since things started changing for me. For the first time ever I found myself changing not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I have spent the better part of my time in Colorado looking forward and trying to replace painful memories. Well, I am done replacing these memories... I am ready to just do things because they make me happy. So New Years Resolution, stop looking back and just look forward.
In my attempt to do this, I have printed the blog from 2010 into a book, and will remove it from this site. I have thought about updating the URL to something more current... since I am not in Texas anymore. But we will see, I am still not a Cowboys fan. I am looking forward to Christmas at home this year and tons of snowboarding! I will be spending the New Years dressed up in a warehouse downtown... raising money for schools in Africa. Denver cannot do anything without raising money for something. I am excited now. Excited to leave 2010 behind me, take the positive things with me and stop looking back.
I would not have gotten through this year without a few people from the stormwater group in Dallas (they know who they are), SW SOTD, my tri girls, my Dallas family (who I miss and love), my running partner, and anyone who reads this blog. I am taking you guys with me to 2011... and I just can't wait.
Thanks for everything!
In my attempt to do this, I have printed the blog from 2010 into a book, and will remove it from this site. I have thought about updating the URL to something more current... since I am not in Texas anymore. But we will see, I am still not a Cowboys fan. I am looking forward to Christmas at home this year and tons of snowboarding! I will be spending the New Years dressed up in a warehouse downtown... raising money for schools in Africa. Denver cannot do anything without raising money for something. I am excited now. Excited to leave 2010 behind me, take the positive things with me and stop looking back.
I would not have gotten through this year without a few people from the stormwater group in Dallas (they know who they are), SW SOTD, my tri girls, my Dallas family (who I miss and love), my running partner, and anyone who reads this blog. I am taking you guys with me to 2011... and I just can't wait.
Thanks for everything!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Marathon Weekend
A lot of things happened on my marathon weekend. I was in Dallas, so of course there was a lot of unnecessary drama that people built up in their heads. More of the, if you would have acted differently this would not be happening. I went to Dallas to run a marathon and say goodbye… and that is what I did.
It was a little cooler in the morning, but I was at the start line with so many friends… some old racing buddies and my familiar running partner of my days in Dallas. Unplanned, we both show up in a blue top and black bottoms, I went with the black skirt and white compression socks, the outfit is important. After two bathroom breaks at the start we headed out at about 8:30 am. It was a new course. It was good to run through the City of Dallas one last time, say goodbye. That is ultimately why I agreed to run this race, say good-bye and leave some things behind me. Once my running buddy got into stride, it was like the old days, complaining about work, life, things that hurt, things that make us happy, why we run… he is a good running partner. At mile 8 we run into our cheering section, we just smile… At this point the miles just fly by… we come up on White Rock Lake. This is where we ran when I lived in Dallas… “Well ol’ buddy, this could be our last lap around White Rock Lake together.” He goes, “Let’s kick it’s a$$.” It kills the soul, neither one of us have any idea how many laps we have taken around that lake, but it is way too many. We then come up on the cheering section one more time… they are nuts this time. One other runner commented on our cheering section, the running partner turns around and goes, “We are kind of a big deal.” Somewhere after this we realize we may have to split, his knee is hurting… as much as I didn’t even want to say it, I didn’t want to do it, I put my head phones off and took off. I hated it… I hated running with someone and watch them slowly get further ahead of me, so I felt bad doing it to him. But I had my playlist.
I had asked my friends to send suggestions to me to make a new playlist; I was so excited to hear what they had picked. I thought I could pick a favorite song, but I couldn’t, just when I thought I was tired a great song would come on. I hit as close to a wall on my race around mile 21. I felt my hip do something weird and my knee was hurting. Oh well, I would walk that 5 miles if I had to. I kept going. The next part of the race was an uphill climb, I could feel it. I was ready to get to the top so I could take off. A little Kanye and Killers took me to the top and then just like that… I was heading downhill. I kicked it into gear. I enjoyed every song that came on, enjoyed the scenery and I would even beat the beat to a few of the songs. Mile 25 the Red Hot Chili Peppers hit, I sprinted as hard as I could… I was going to take the headphones off as I came up to the finish… but then my running partner’s song came on… I kept the headphones on. I saw my tri girls cheering hard, coming at me in the street right around Mile 26… I love them. Amazing where you make friends and how they stay in your life. I finished the race thinking of the running partner, running as hard as I could and with the best support group around me. Oh, and I hit my goal: 4:13:07, my goal was 4:15. I wish I could have crossed with my old friend, but maybe there is another race in our future, you never know.
I trained for 12 weeks, gave a lot up… I made a race plan and I killed it. I saw who I could, I laughed and gave Dallas the proper goodbye.
It was a little cooler in the morning, but I was at the start line with so many friends… some old racing buddies and my familiar running partner of my days in Dallas. Unplanned, we both show up in a blue top and black bottoms, I went with the black skirt and white compression socks, the outfit is important. After two bathroom breaks at the start we headed out at about 8:30 am. It was a new course. It was good to run through the City of Dallas one last time, say goodbye. That is ultimately why I agreed to run this race, say good-bye and leave some things behind me. Once my running buddy got into stride, it was like the old days, complaining about work, life, things that hurt, things that make us happy, why we run… he is a good running partner. At mile 8 we run into our cheering section, we just smile… At this point the miles just fly by… we come up on White Rock Lake. This is where we ran when I lived in Dallas… “Well ol’ buddy, this could be our last lap around White Rock Lake together.” He goes, “Let’s kick it’s a$$.” It kills the soul, neither one of us have any idea how many laps we have taken around that lake, but it is way too many. We then come up on the cheering section one more time… they are nuts this time. One other runner commented on our cheering section, the running partner turns around and goes, “We are kind of a big deal.” Somewhere after this we realize we may have to split, his knee is hurting… as much as I didn’t even want to say it, I didn’t want to do it, I put my head phones off and took off. I hated it… I hated running with someone and watch them slowly get further ahead of me, so I felt bad doing it to him. But I had my playlist.
I had asked my friends to send suggestions to me to make a new playlist; I was so excited to hear what they had picked. I thought I could pick a favorite song, but I couldn’t, just when I thought I was tired a great song would come on. I hit as close to a wall on my race around mile 21. I felt my hip do something weird and my knee was hurting. Oh well, I would walk that 5 miles if I had to. I kept going. The next part of the race was an uphill climb, I could feel it. I was ready to get to the top so I could take off. A little Kanye and Killers took me to the top and then just like that… I was heading downhill. I kicked it into gear. I enjoyed every song that came on, enjoyed the scenery and I would even beat the beat to a few of the songs. Mile 25 the Red Hot Chili Peppers hit, I sprinted as hard as I could… I was going to take the headphones off as I came up to the finish… but then my running partner’s song came on… I kept the headphones on. I saw my tri girls cheering hard, coming at me in the street right around Mile 26… I love them. Amazing where you make friends and how they stay in your life. I finished the race thinking of the running partner, running as hard as I could and with the best support group around me. Oh, and I hit my goal: 4:13:07, my goal was 4:15. I wish I could have crossed with my old friend, but maybe there is another race in our future, you never know.
I trained for 12 weeks, gave a lot up… I made a race plan and I killed it. I saw who I could, I laughed and gave Dallas the proper goodbye.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Running 18 Miles
The one thing I immediately loved when I moved home was running in the Colorado elements. The dry, crisp (thin) air, was all I needed to zone out and just run. I was not a runner before I moved to Texas. This is something that I brought home with me and it has given me the opportunity to explore my City in a way I never did before. It started out with my finding Vail Pass Trail and has pretty much been an adventure ever since. I have run multiple loops around Wash Park, but it is my favorite, other than that each run has been different and unplanned. It usually includes me seeing the mountains like I never have before, they look different everyday. For the first time in years I have got to run from summer into fall... the leaves are almost gone and soon I will be running into winter, a new adventure for sure.
When my old running partner suggested I come back to Dallas and run in the White Rock Marathon, I didn't think emotionally I could do it. I trained for this race last year, got hurt and fell short. I didn't want that same disappointment right now. At the same time I have never not done something I set my mind out to do; I wasn't ready to start now. And I was done making decisions based on fear. So I hit the road, hard. I have had the support of the running partner from a distance and this beautiful City around me to urge me on. My last long run, 16 miles, I ran by Mile Hi, got swept in an organized 10k, and felt great.
I have never ran 18 miles. I am nervous, nervous I won't be able to fill up my water bottle, my hip will give out and I won't make. I am excited too. I plan on running all the way to Coors Field this time, breathe the cool, fall air and do something I have never done before.
When my old running partner suggested I come back to Dallas and run in the White Rock Marathon, I didn't think emotionally I could do it. I trained for this race last year, got hurt and fell short. I didn't want that same disappointment right now. At the same time I have never not done something I set my mind out to do; I wasn't ready to start now. And I was done making decisions based on fear. So I hit the road, hard. I have had the support of the running partner from a distance and this beautiful City around me to urge me on. My last long run, 16 miles, I ran by Mile Hi, got swept in an organized 10k, and felt great.
I have never ran 18 miles. I am nervous, nervous I won't be able to fill up my water bottle, my hip will give out and I won't make. I am excited too. I plan on running all the way to Coors Field this time, breathe the cool, fall air and do something I have never done before.
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