Sometimes I just smile. There are moments where I think, "This is exactly where I am supposed to be."
These moments happen when I see the mountains, when I just stop by my dad's house, when I am sitting in a movie theatre with some of the most genuine people I have ever met watching Oscar nominated movie 6 out of 10. Life could end tomorrow, would I regret worrying about things I have no control over? I am only responsible for my own happiness. I am finally happy.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Hipster
Back on the infamous limo ride night I met a guy, I thought he was 23 but apparently he just turned 25, I know, I know. He is actually saved in my phone like I am on the Bachelor, Hipster, 25. This guy has been asking me out since. I could not get past the age thing and with all the stuff I had going on, I just didn't have time. He asked me out again last Saturday. Why not? What do I have to lose? We decide to meet at a local hole in the wall for pizza and a beer.
He is there waiting. I almost wondered if I knew what he looked like, I mean this was back in November when we met. I would have loved this guy 5 years ago, that much is clear. He reminded me of a hipster. There is some debate on this term so I had to resort to Urban Dictionary for some clarity:
"Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs."
He didn't have the "state of mind" but he looked like a hipster. He had on the graphic t-shirt with the Volcom hat that is associated with the snowboarding crowd and the longer hair. At some point in the night he revealed that the hat was due to the recent hair cut, they went "Beiber" on him. I just smile. I order a beer, he is drinking water, the waitress asks for both of our IDs since she is bringing beer to the table. Aside from the hipster, age thing, this guy has it together; traveled with the Navy, works out every morning (hipsters are also known for having 2% body fat), works at Lockheed, talked about retirement, house, dog... and then my favorite part, he owns a crotchrocket and wants to teach me how to snowboard. We end the night talking about the Jersey Shore.
My whole life I have been the responsible one. I have taken care of everyone since a very young age. I was always working towards something, college, degree, career, house... and here I am. I had/have all that and I am only taking care of myself now for the first time ever. Do I see hanging out with a 25-year old guy on his motorcycle as responsible? No. Do I see it being part of my path to success? No. But why not? I worked hard all my life and this is where it led me... maybe this is where I was supposed to be. Date number two? Haha... maybe, if it is in the mountains, either in the snow or on the bike. Keep Calm and Carry On.
He is there waiting. I almost wondered if I knew what he looked like, I mean this was back in November when we met. I would have loved this guy 5 years ago, that much is clear. He reminded me of a hipster. There is some debate on this term so I had to resort to Urban Dictionary for some clarity:
"Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs."
He didn't have the "state of mind" but he looked like a hipster. He had on the graphic t-shirt with the Volcom hat that is associated with the snowboarding crowd and the longer hair. At some point in the night he revealed that the hat was due to the recent hair cut, they went "Beiber" on him. I just smile. I order a beer, he is drinking water, the waitress asks for both of our IDs since she is bringing beer to the table. Aside from the hipster, age thing, this guy has it together; traveled with the Navy, works out every morning (hipsters are also known for having 2% body fat), works at Lockheed, talked about retirement, house, dog... and then my favorite part, he owns a crotchrocket and wants to teach me how to snowboard. We end the night talking about the Jersey Shore.
My whole life I have been the responsible one. I have taken care of everyone since a very young age. I was always working towards something, college, degree, career, house... and here I am. I had/have all that and I am only taking care of myself now for the first time ever. Do I see hanging out with a 25-year old guy on his motorcycle as responsible? No. Do I see it being part of my path to success? No. But why not? I worked hard all my life and this is where it led me... maybe this is where I was supposed to be. Date number two? Haha... maybe, if it is in the mountains, either in the snow or on the bike. Keep Calm and Carry On.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Your Not Proud Moments
An old coworker sent me a SI article on former Broncos quarterback, Jake Plummer. Quick note here, I was not happy when Plummer was pulled in the middle of the season for Jay Cutler. The article is about Jake leaving the NFL on top of his game and there was this quote:
"The courage and integrity is in knowing when you've had enough and being able to walk away from all the conventional markers of success. The courage is in choosing family and dignity over artificially extending a career just for the money. We should laud Jake Plummer for standing up for the best in American values."
There are days, moments when I get reminded I still have a long way to go. Go where? I don't know. I realize I am still putting the pieces back together and you can find me sometimes in a vulnerable place, one I thought I left behind in Texas, but I am naive to think that. For the first time since I have turned my back to the "conventional markers of success" I had that moment to remind me, this is not standard. I worked so hard before to achieve things that you are taught are important, and now, now that I walked away from all that, I find myself thinking... what next? Where is my flow chart to success? Where is the path to associate? Marriage? Kids? Do I want to be on that path? If I stay on my path that is dodging the conventional markers of success, where will that lead? Will I continue to lose my cool and comment on long sleeve polos in the middle of my first non-proud moment in YEARS, or is this my journey and fuck the critics? Can I handle the criticism of the unconventional path? Am I strong enough to do it my way? I have to be, I want to be, I wasn't strong enough to do it their way...
"I had to pick myself up and get on with it, do it all over again, only even better this time." - Sam Walton
"The courage and integrity is in knowing when you've had enough and being able to walk away from all the conventional markers of success. The courage is in choosing family and dignity over artificially extending a career just for the money. We should laud Jake Plummer for standing up for the best in American values."
There are days, moments when I get reminded I still have a long way to go. Go where? I don't know. I realize I am still putting the pieces back together and you can find me sometimes in a vulnerable place, one I thought I left behind in Texas, but I am naive to think that. For the first time since I have turned my back to the "conventional markers of success" I had that moment to remind me, this is not standard. I worked so hard before to achieve things that you are taught are important, and now, now that I walked away from all that, I find myself thinking... what next? Where is my flow chart to success? Where is the path to associate? Marriage? Kids? Do I want to be on that path? If I stay on my path that is dodging the conventional markers of success, where will that lead? Will I continue to lose my cool and comment on long sleeve polos in the middle of my first non-proud moment in YEARS, or is this my journey and fuck the critics? Can I handle the criticism of the unconventional path? Am I strong enough to do it my way? I have to be, I want to be, I wasn't strong enough to do it their way...
"I had to pick myself up and get on with it, do it all over again, only even better this time." - Sam Walton
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
We R Who We R
I will say, this is my fault.
For years I suppressed who I was and what I thought to try to fit into a world I didn't belong in, to try to be with guys I shouldn't have been with... very similar to high school. I think that is why college was such a breath of fresh air... I could be me and that was ok. Not only was it ok, but people liked who I really was. I was done with the pretending, and to some I was a bitch or in the working world "abrasive." I put on the PC hat for work, I tone it down as much as I am capable of doing without feeling like I am selling myself out. For the first time in years I don't have to do that outside of work. I have found a group of people that I can just relax, remove the filter and have a good time.
I have done a 180. I probably should have done a 90. But I just can't right now... not until I figure out who I am again. In doing this I have offended some friends. The only way I can describe it is with a conversation I had with my Boston Friend when we were first introduced as roommates:
Me: (insert smart ass comment here)
Boston Friend: I am kind of sensitive.
Me: I am not not.
And 10 years later she is one of my best friends. She accepted me for who I was and I tried to limit the verbal assassinations. I cannot change to make you feel better. Sometimes I want to, I love my friends so much. But real friends won't ask you to do that, they will not feel threatened by you. Once you accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be, become secure with who you are... the fun begins. I truly believe that.
For years I suppressed who I was and what I thought to try to fit into a world I didn't belong in, to try to be with guys I shouldn't have been with... very similar to high school. I think that is why college was such a breath of fresh air... I could be me and that was ok. Not only was it ok, but people liked who I really was. I was done with the pretending, and to some I was a bitch or in the working world "abrasive." I put on the PC hat for work, I tone it down as much as I am capable of doing without feeling like I am selling myself out. For the first time in years I don't have to do that outside of work. I have found a group of people that I can just relax, remove the filter and have a good time.
I have done a 180. I probably should have done a 90. But I just can't right now... not until I figure out who I am again. In doing this I have offended some friends. The only way I can describe it is with a conversation I had with my Boston Friend when we were first introduced as roommates:
Me: (insert smart ass comment here)
Boston Friend: I am kind of sensitive.
Me: I am not not.
And 10 years later she is one of my best friends. She accepted me for who I was and I tried to limit the verbal assassinations. I cannot change to make you feel better. Sometimes I want to, I love my friends so much. But real friends won't ask you to do that, they will not feel threatened by you. Once you accept people for who they are and not what you want them to be, become secure with who you are... the fun begins. I truly believe that.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Most Annoying Question Ever
Whenever my friends and I meet new guys, we start talking, joking around and inevitably we get asked, "Why are you guys single?" Sunday was no exception, except this time it was with a little twist, "You are almost 30 and not married?" Thanks for the age plug. But you are correct, I am almost 30 and I am not married. It seems to me that it is more acceptable to be 30 and divorced, than 30 and single. Society and expectations drive me nuts. I spent my entire 20s working towards this goal... get a good job and get married. It did not work, and I now find myself playing the hand I was dealt. I am starting to love it and I don't want to answer this question anymore. But what the hell, one more time:
No, no I am not married. It didn't work out for me, but while "most" people were getting married I was living. After putting myself through college, on my own, to become an engineer, I moved away from home and I came back. I traveled. I have seen places like Italy, Costa Rica, Mexico, Ireland, Paris. I have been to Dallas, Austin, Denver, Chicago and New Orleans for New Years. Not to mention all the random trips across the US, including Boston on Saint Patrick's Day. I took care of my little sister, I found the best people in the world to raise my niece, I owned a house, I bought a car, I had a 6 figure income, I got offered job promotions and I turned down job promotions. I have watched football at Notre Dame. I have seen my beloved Broncos play in New Orleans, Houston and Dallas and I haven't missed a home opener in YEARS. I ran a marathon and completed a half ironman. I went to concerts. I danced. I have seen all my friend's wedding who are married... I have held their babies. Just because I didn't get married doesn't mean I was sitting on my couch waiting for you to call. I was out living... finding myself. Best idea ever.
No, no I am not married. It didn't work out for me, but while "most" people were getting married I was living. After putting myself through college, on my own, to become an engineer, I moved away from home and I came back. I traveled. I have seen places like Italy, Costa Rica, Mexico, Ireland, Paris. I have been to Dallas, Austin, Denver, Chicago and New Orleans for New Years. Not to mention all the random trips across the US, including Boston on Saint Patrick's Day. I took care of my little sister, I found the best people in the world to raise my niece, I owned a house, I bought a car, I had a 6 figure income, I got offered job promotions and I turned down job promotions. I have watched football at Notre Dame. I have seen my beloved Broncos play in New Orleans, Houston and Dallas and I haven't missed a home opener in YEARS. I ran a marathon and completed a half ironman. I went to concerts. I danced. I have seen all my friend's wedding who are married... I have held their babies. Just because I didn't get married doesn't mean I was sitting on my couch waiting for you to call. I was out living... finding myself. Best idea ever.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday Funday
"So you just sit around all day and drink?" - Long Sleeve Polo
I get so excited for the weekends. I have few players in my life, my New Roommate, my New Friend turned Wingman and the Canadian. Between these three girls and the weekends, I have been having the time of my life. They have introduced me to Sunday Funday... I was never a believer in drinking off the hangover, but it so works. The trend lately has been to lay low with movies, Bachelor, dinner on Friday night... followed by a productive Saturday and a crazy Saturday Night. Before we know it, Saturday night is Sunday Funday. This past weekend was no exception.
Speed dating happened on Saturday night. I met some interesting people, my New Roommate was sitting right next to me, so we had some fun with that. It was alot of talking... too much for me. At the end I wanted to turn in my card and go meet the Canadian and Wingman. We hang out for a little while, rule one of speed dating, do not ask for phone numbers. The New Roommate breaks the rules... I don't. I don't care enough, if they like me they will get my card, hence the point of speed dating. We finally get to the Canadian's where we meet her parents, eat perogies and laugh. In this time, the Ref texted messaged me to ask if I was out. I thank you Jameson for making sure I did not stick to my rule of recycling and I tell him where we are going. Time to call Wayne the cab driver and convince my friends it is time to dance. The Wingman tries to get her friend to meet us there. He is not into Top 40 or polo shirts, she gets this classic response, "Does the DJ have you falling in love yet?"
The Ref shows up with two friends, Long Sleeve Polo and well... Tom. Ahhh the Ref. Not much to say here, he had no real reason for blowing me off... I go, "I am pretty sure your girlfriend called." We laugh and I don't care because I am there to dance and hang out with my friends. We look down the line and the Wingman has paired up with Long Sleeve Polo and my New Roommate with Tom. We have fun. The lights come up and we take off. The Ref invites us to an "after party." Or in their world, a place to watch the Australian Tennis Finals. After about 2 hours too long of that, the Wingman calls a cab, we just start yelling "Cab's heah." Thank you Jersey Shore. We say good bye to the host, Rundeep, who I mistake for Balls Deep.
The next morning, my friends and I meet Long Sleeve Polo and Tom out for Sunday Funday. The Ref is out being super productive and learning "If you play hard, you pay hard." This is my favorite part of the weekend... yes, we drink off the hangover, recap the night, make fun of eachother, laugh, play Jenga, watch hockey, plan next weekend and enjoy the entire day. Monday is rough, but worth it.
Me: Am I remembering correctly, Long Sleeve Polo wasn't wearing underwear?
Wingman: Haha nope! Commando. Ridiculous.
Me: Haha! Awesome.
Wingman: Kinda weird if you ask me. With jeans? Sounds uncomfortable.
Life stories. Can't wait for next Sunday Funday.
I get so excited for the weekends. I have few players in my life, my New Roommate, my New Friend turned Wingman and the Canadian. Between these three girls and the weekends, I have been having the time of my life. They have introduced me to Sunday Funday... I was never a believer in drinking off the hangover, but it so works. The trend lately has been to lay low with movies, Bachelor, dinner on Friday night... followed by a productive Saturday and a crazy Saturday Night. Before we know it, Saturday night is Sunday Funday. This past weekend was no exception.
Speed dating happened on Saturday night. I met some interesting people, my New Roommate was sitting right next to me, so we had some fun with that. It was alot of talking... too much for me. At the end I wanted to turn in my card and go meet the Canadian and Wingman. We hang out for a little while, rule one of speed dating, do not ask for phone numbers. The New Roommate breaks the rules... I don't. I don't care enough, if they like me they will get my card, hence the point of speed dating. We finally get to the Canadian's where we meet her parents, eat perogies and laugh. In this time, the Ref texted messaged me to ask if I was out. I thank you Jameson for making sure I did not stick to my rule of recycling and I tell him where we are going. Time to call Wayne the cab driver and convince my friends it is time to dance. The Wingman tries to get her friend to meet us there. He is not into Top 40 or polo shirts, she gets this classic response, "Does the DJ have you falling in love yet?"
The Ref shows up with two friends, Long Sleeve Polo and well... Tom. Ahhh the Ref. Not much to say here, he had no real reason for blowing me off... I go, "I am pretty sure your girlfriend called." We laugh and I don't care because I am there to dance and hang out with my friends. We look down the line and the Wingman has paired up with Long Sleeve Polo and my New Roommate with Tom. We have fun. The lights come up and we take off. The Ref invites us to an "after party." Or in their world, a place to watch the Australian Tennis Finals. After about 2 hours too long of that, the Wingman calls a cab, we just start yelling "Cab's heah." Thank you Jersey Shore. We say good bye to the host, Rundeep, who I mistake for Balls Deep.
The next morning, my friends and I meet Long Sleeve Polo and Tom out for Sunday Funday. The Ref is out being super productive and learning "If you play hard, you pay hard." This is my favorite part of the weekend... yes, we drink off the hangover, recap the night, make fun of eachother, laugh, play Jenga, watch hockey, plan next weekend and enjoy the entire day. Monday is rough, but worth it.
Me: Am I remembering correctly, Long Sleeve Polo wasn't wearing underwear?
Wingman: Haha nope! Commando. Ridiculous.
Me: Haha! Awesome.
Wingman: Kinda weird if you ask me. With jeans? Sounds uncomfortable.
Life stories. Can't wait for next Sunday Funday.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Why Not?
I can remember sitting at Five Sixty in Dallas, 18 months ago with my ex and the Guy Who Got Me Through Dallas. The ex and my friend's date were the ones doing the drinking that night, my friend and I remained sober. When the date got up to use the restroom my ex looked at my friend and goes, "Did Morgan tell you she got a job offer in Houston and wants to move there?" My friend told him yes. "Why would anyone move to Houston?" My friend goes, "Why not? I am more of a why not guy than a why." The ex look dumb founded. To those that do not know the end of that story, I turned down the job promotion to stay with the ex in Dallas, two months later he broke up with me. Lesson learned.
When someone asks me to do something I do not respond with "Who else will be there?" "Why?" "I am not sure what else I have going on." If I am available, I am doing it. This is not everyone else's attitude I am slowly finding out. And it annoys the hell out of me. If you don't want to go, just say no. Life is too short to analyze things, to worry about if you are missing out on something else. By saying yes to things, more than saying no, I have seen and done some pretty cool things with some pretty cool people. I went to the Denver Big Air Show, I have speed dating on the books, multiple Sunday Fundays, rode some back bowls, ended up at Avs games and I have laughed... alot. I am almost 30 and I almost missed out on having fun and doing what I want. Time to just live. Why not?
When someone asks me to do something I do not respond with "Who else will be there?" "Why?" "I am not sure what else I have going on." If I am available, I am doing it. This is not everyone else's attitude I am slowly finding out. And it annoys the hell out of me. If you don't want to go, just say no. Life is too short to analyze things, to worry about if you are missing out on something else. By saying yes to things, more than saying no, I have seen and done some pretty cool things with some pretty cool people. I went to the Denver Big Air Show, I have speed dating on the books, multiple Sunday Fundays, rode some back bowls, ended up at Avs games and I have laughed... alot. I am almost 30 and I almost missed out on having fun and doing what I want. Time to just live. Why not?
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