When my mind races, my body gets exhausted. This resulted in No Workout Monday for the first time in months. So I did the next best thing, I bought a package of Peanut M&Ms, ate them, went home where I enjoyed a shot of Jameson (this is my new thing, a shot for the next 10 days, also known as the last 10 days of my 20s) and a Magners. I also threw on the ipod and sat outside and enjoyed what was ultimately my Happy Hour. My mind kept racing, 30, being stood up, how short life really is, have I lived, is this living, what is next, will I meet someone, do I want to meet someone, can I open up again... and then finally it stopped.
I am not sprinting towards anything. I am just being. I worked so hard my whole life and this is where I am. Maybe this is where I am supposed to be. There are a few things in life I still want. I still want to meet someone that loves me, the crazy me, all of me. Yeah, I can work towards that I guess, with all the online dating options, social events set up for people like me... but is that the way you are supposed to meet someone? Am I old school to say, it will happen when it is supposed to happen? I put myself out there, I do things... maybe someday while I am out doing things, I will just meet someone.
I followed this Happy Hour with a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich and a great conversation with the new roommate.
I signed up for a writing class today... now, that seems more natural. It allows me to continue to just be...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
10 Days
This last week I started planning the birthday. Which has turned out to look like a very self-centered event. I didn't plan this on purpose, but it falls on Easter weekend and I have two really good friends coming in on two different weekends... so here we go. I got so caught up in the planning that I didn't even realize it was 10 days away. Honestly, I started the blog thinking "oh by the time I am 30 I will have it all figured out again, don't worry." I don't have it figured out.
So if getting to 30 was a race, I am technically in the sprint to the finish line. What I love, is that in even in my last few days in my 20s, I am having new experiences. I got stood up yesterday. Thank you, Fisherman, that was a first. I am just going to smile about that one... why not? Last three guys I thought I could like or did like, text message on Christmas Eve, girlfriend, no call, respectively. Is this the stuff they are talking about when they say, "Enjoy the ride."? I guess good character is not a given.
This last weekend I had to watch my old college roommate stand up and be brave, and say good bye to her old man. Character. Her family has that. I think that is why I am drawn to each one of them. This wasn't my first funeral, but this was the first time I witnessed a friend lose a family member. They were expecting 75 people at the service, they had over 200 show up. Her old man impacted my life in such a short time, apparently I was not the only one.
After these two events I find myself in a really strange mood. My mind is going 100 mph and it just won't stop. Do I run, write, go out? I knew I was starting over, but I didn't realize just what that meant. Nor did I realize the effort that is required to change your life.
So the next 10 days... can I just hide? No. That is what I did last year. I can guarantee a couple things this year, I will not get flowers, the Broncos will not draft Tim Tebow and I will be in the mountains at some point over the next few days. Time to regroup, breathe and live every day, no matter what it looks like.
That's enough 20s, that's enough.
So if getting to 30 was a race, I am technically in the sprint to the finish line. What I love, is that in even in my last few days in my 20s, I am having new experiences. I got stood up yesterday. Thank you, Fisherman, that was a first. I am just going to smile about that one... why not? Last three guys I thought I could like or did like, text message on Christmas Eve, girlfriend, no call, respectively. Is this the stuff they are talking about when they say, "Enjoy the ride."? I guess good character is not a given.
This last weekend I had to watch my old college roommate stand up and be brave, and say good bye to her old man. Character. Her family has that. I think that is why I am drawn to each one of them. This wasn't my first funeral, but this was the first time I witnessed a friend lose a family member. They were expecting 75 people at the service, they had over 200 show up. Her old man impacted my life in such a short time, apparently I was not the only one.
After these two events I find myself in a really strange mood. My mind is going 100 mph and it just won't stop. Do I run, write, go out? I knew I was starting over, but I didn't realize just what that meant. Nor did I realize the effort that is required to change your life.
So the next 10 days... can I just hide? No. That is what I did last year. I can guarantee a couple things this year, I will not get flowers, the Broncos will not draft Tim Tebow and I will be in the mountains at some point over the next few days. Time to regroup, breathe and live every day, no matter what it looks like.
That's enough 20s, that's enough.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Oh The Irish
I moved to Fort Collins in August of 1999 to begin college at Colorado State University, and ultimately start the rest of my life. My roommate was randomly selected for me, she was also from Colorado, also a Taurus, also an engineering major and also Irish. We did great things together, like get our eyebrows pierced, take spring break trips to Mexico and Iowa and beat up annoying girls for eachother. We would keep in touch on and off for the next 11 years of lives.
Last year we went to Ireland together, which was always in the cards for us as far as I am concerned. This was the trip where I learned about "The Box." The Box was created by her dad and uncles, each of them had a key. On special occasions they opened the box, celebrated with those that were there, remembered those that were not and take a shot from the bottle of Irish Whiskey that resided in that box. I loved this story and enjoyed checking out the bottle she had bought in Northern Ireland for The Box.
This last Christmas Eve I got an invite to come over for dinner. I am not going to lie, I got excited to be a part of The Box. This was also a big validation moment for me because her old man pulled me aside and said to me what I wanted everyone in Dallas to say, but never did. He goes "young lady I know you have been through alot this last year. I don't know the details, but I know you have moved and changed jobs, among other things. That is alot of change for anyone. And I want to know that you are doing ok?" It was all I ever wanted, I didn't want to tell my story, I just wanted people to understand it wasn't easy and to ask if I was ok. It meant the world to me. I told my old roommate about it, reminded her she had a great old man... and thanked her for making me a part of her family.
Her old man passed away yesterday, running. Just two weeks prior we were looking up his half marathon times in Moab, he had run the same race we were about to run 20 years ago... I am honored to have known this man, to have shared Irish Whiskey with him and to have run in the same race he did. I don't get it sometimes. I can only hope I can impact someone the way he impacted me on Christmas Eve. In that moment he gave me what I had so desperately wanted for the last year of my life. He will be missed.
Last year we went to Ireland together, which was always in the cards for us as far as I am concerned. This was the trip where I learned about "The Box." The Box was created by her dad and uncles, each of them had a key. On special occasions they opened the box, celebrated with those that were there, remembered those that were not and take a shot from the bottle of Irish Whiskey that resided in that box. I loved this story and enjoyed checking out the bottle she had bought in Northern Ireland for The Box.
This last Christmas Eve I got an invite to come over for dinner. I am not going to lie, I got excited to be a part of The Box. This was also a big validation moment for me because her old man pulled me aside and said to me what I wanted everyone in Dallas to say, but never did. He goes "young lady I know you have been through alot this last year. I don't know the details, but I know you have moved and changed jobs, among other things. That is alot of change for anyone. And I want to know that you are doing ok?" It was all I ever wanted, I didn't want to tell my story, I just wanted people to understand it wasn't easy and to ask if I was ok. It meant the world to me. I told my old roommate about it, reminded her she had a great old man... and thanked her for making me a part of her family.
Her old man passed away yesterday, running. Just two weeks prior we were looking up his half marathon times in Moab, he had run the same race we were about to run 20 years ago... I am honored to have known this man, to have shared Irish Whiskey with him and to have run in the same race he did. I don't get it sometimes. I can only hope I can impact someone the way he impacted me on Christmas Eve. In that moment he gave me what I had so desperately wanted for the last year of my life. He will be missed.
Old Friends and Old Places
It was Opening Day for my Colorado Rockies this past weekend. I had been looking forward to this for months. It lived up to all the hype. Between my roommate and I we got 8 tickets, and we invited a great mixture of old friends, new friends and family. The day started on one of Denver's rooftop bars, where it moved to another bar and then off to the game. The game went extra innings, we didn't win... but it was still a great time. After the game, everyone went in their own direction, but I knew exactly where I was going... to a loft my friends rented out for an old high school buddy's birthday.
I love these people. The majority of the people in this room I have known since I was 13... and we all still keep in touch, see eachother when we can and just laugh. I am 100% in my element when I am around these guys. I never realized just how important it was to not take yourself seriously, not judge and laugh as much as you can. We talked about everything, watched girls eat food off the floor and reminded eachother we are all turning 30. Here we go. I also had the chance to have dinner with my best friend from college on Saturday, we lost touch for a few years but now that we are both in Colorado... it was like we didn't miss a beat. These people mean the world to me...
In between the visitors, the chaos and baseball I managed to meet up with the Fisherman twice. Leave it to Colorado to be 80 degrees on Saturday and then with plans to go to the zoo have the wind start blowing, begin to snow and drop to 35 on Sunday afternoon. We met up for dinner on Thursday and then ended up at the Nature and Science Museum on Sunday. I really enjoyed being in an old familiar place with a new friend. I am excited about life and excited about the possibility of fishing.
I love these people. The majority of the people in this room I have known since I was 13... and we all still keep in touch, see eachother when we can and just laugh. I am 100% in my element when I am around these guys. I never realized just how important it was to not take yourself seriously, not judge and laugh as much as you can. We talked about everything, watched girls eat food off the floor and reminded eachother we are all turning 30. Here we go. I also had the chance to have dinner with my best friend from college on Saturday, we lost touch for a few years but now that we are both in Colorado... it was like we didn't miss a beat. These people mean the world to me...
In between the visitors, the chaos and baseball I managed to meet up with the Fisherman twice. Leave it to Colorado to be 80 degrees on Saturday and then with plans to go to the zoo have the wind start blowing, begin to snow and drop to 35 on Sunday afternoon. We met up for dinner on Thursday and then ended up at the Nature and Science Museum on Sunday. I really enjoyed being in an old familiar place with a new friend. I am excited about life and excited about the possibility of fishing.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Round Two
I am starting to feel like life is on big interview. When I found myself starting over in Colorado I had to interview for jobs, housing, roommates... and there was always a big relief to get to Round 2. Lately this is how I feel about meeting people, friends, guys, it doesn't matter. I go out, meet people I don't know and I hope they love me for me. It is great to get that call back and it is a little rough when you don't.
Well I have made it to Round 2 with the Fisherman. I am excited for the second date. The first date was at a local sports bar during the Arizona basketball game. Let's just say he wasn't the loudest person I have ever talked to... I am excited to see where he decides to take me, what we talk about now that we both know we are kind of interested... I am trying to tread lightly, but not hold back.
At the end of my first date my friend's asked all these questions about him, past relationships, family, deep stuff that I don't want to answer on a first date, so I don't ask. All I really found out is he likes the Broncos, played football in college and well, likes to fish. That was all I needed to know. The fishing part of this guy really attracts me to him. I have always fished and I want to learn how to fly fish, which is what he does. I think someone that fishes has an appreciation for our environment, has patience and it reminds me of my dad and grandpa... and some of the best memories I have from my childhood. Anyone that can remind you of things that once made you happy, but you forgot about, gets a pass into Round 2.
Well I have made it to Round 2 with the Fisherman. I am excited for the second date. The first date was at a local sports bar during the Arizona basketball game. Let's just say he wasn't the loudest person I have ever talked to... I am excited to see where he decides to take me, what we talk about now that we both know we are kind of interested... I am trying to tread lightly, but not hold back.
At the end of my first date my friend's asked all these questions about him, past relationships, family, deep stuff that I don't want to answer on a first date, so I don't ask. All I really found out is he likes the Broncos, played football in college and well, likes to fish. That was all I needed to know. The fishing part of this guy really attracts me to him. I have always fished and I want to learn how to fly fish, which is what he does. I think someone that fishes has an appreciation for our environment, has patience and it reminds me of my dad and grandpa... and some of the best memories I have from my childhood. Anyone that can remind you of things that once made you happy, but you forgot about, gets a pass into Round 2.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Still Running
Reality: I can't take any time off until I have been with my company for a year. This fact is a harsh reality for me. I am a world traveler... you call me, I go. Not this year.
Glass Half Empty: It was not like this last year when I was making more money and living in Texas, I had the run of that place.
Glass Half Full: I have half day Fridays and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States, and I have not even seen the half of it.
I can't do anything about the reality of the situation, but I have tried to look at things from the "half full" perspective. This past weekend was no exception as me and a few friends set out to Moab, Utah to run the Canyonlands Half Marathon.
My knee has been giving me issue this last month. I actually had to stop a run short just before the race, this was a first for me. For the first time I was nervous that I may not be able to complete a race and I was racing to just finish, not improve. The mental strain that I may not be able to do something I want tears at my core. Failure is not an option in my world, it is not now and it has never been. I am by far my toughest critic. With the help of the running partner I convinced myself I was about to run one of the most scenic half marathon routes in the country, see places I had never been and I was going to do it with some good people. Enjoy it... even if it means walking.
The canyons, arches, mountains were all breathtaking. It was a point to point race, where we started at the top of the canyon and followed 128 into Moab. We all got in our pace groups, we were running the same race, we were not running together. I put on the ipod and run... I instantly fell in love all over again. I love running. I love running in races. I love running in places I have never been before. My timing chip blew away in the wind and my ipod went dead, it was almost like the running Gods were telling me to relax, enjoy it and take it all in. It was so quiet in the canyon, just my foot steps along with several of my fellow runners... I was running a race in nature for the first time, I left the City behind. My knee was killing me but I finished. Not a PR (personal record) but I did what I set out to do. Also a reminder, my glass is half full and I am still running.
Glass Half Empty: It was not like this last year when I was making more money and living in Texas, I had the run of that place.
Glass Half Full: I have half day Fridays and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States, and I have not even seen the half of it.
I can't do anything about the reality of the situation, but I have tried to look at things from the "half full" perspective. This past weekend was no exception as me and a few friends set out to Moab, Utah to run the Canyonlands Half Marathon.
My knee has been giving me issue this last month. I actually had to stop a run short just before the race, this was a first for me. For the first time I was nervous that I may not be able to complete a race and I was racing to just finish, not improve. The mental strain that I may not be able to do something I want tears at my core. Failure is not an option in my world, it is not now and it has never been. I am by far my toughest critic. With the help of the running partner I convinced myself I was about to run one of the most scenic half marathon routes in the country, see places I had never been and I was going to do it with some good people. Enjoy it... even if it means walking.
The canyons, arches, mountains were all breathtaking. It was a point to point race, where we started at the top of the canyon and followed 128 into Moab. We all got in our pace groups, we were running the same race, we were not running together. I put on the ipod and run... I instantly fell in love all over again. I love running. I love running in races. I love running in places I have never been before. My timing chip blew away in the wind and my ipod went dead, it was almost like the running Gods were telling me to relax, enjoy it and take it all in. It was so quiet in the canyon, just my foot steps along with several of my fellow runners... I was running a race in nature for the first time, I left the City behind. My knee was killing me but I finished. Not a PR (personal record) but I did what I set out to do. Also a reminder, my glass is half full and I am still running.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Athletic and Toned
I have been flirting with actively using online dating. I figure there is an off chance I might meet someone, a good place to make friends or a good story at least? One of the things that you have to disclose regardless of the site, is your body type. I of course say I am average... the other options I have are "slender" and "athletic and toned." I have never been slender and although I am athletic I am working towards becoming toned. You know who is "athletic and toned?" Angelina Jolie, not me. With all the experience I will take into 30 from my 20s, being up front about who you are and what you want is more important than you think. I would rather have someone be pleasantly surprised than have the feeling of being deceived, so I click "average."
As I thumb through the guys that are recommended to me based on what I think is important, mainly activities, I notice 99 percent of them are "athletic and toned." This might make sense because I put such a strong emphasis on being active and loving life... but come on? Really? All of you? This reminded me of a guy I dated in my early 20s. I had just moved to Texas and was living in an apartment. We decided we were going to work out at the gym there, I had been on the treadmill for 30 minutes when he decides to come down. We chat and then he hits the weight machines. Exactly 8 minutes later he comes back to the treadmill to tell me he is done and is going to shower. I know the exact time because I was on the treadmill. Shocked, I decide to end my run and leave with him. When we get back to the apartment this guy, who just completed his 8 minute workout, started to check himself out in the mirror and flex... no doubt, he thought he was "athletic and toned." The last time I saw this guy, we still laughed about that moment.
Is it a guy versus girl thing? Are girls so messed up that they will never think they have hit that top option of "athletic and toned?" But guys are told from a young age they are great and think they have no room for improvement?
I have only gone out with one guy off of this Internet deal... in his defense, he was athletic and toned... but not 5'10". That is a whole other issue...
As I thumb through the guys that are recommended to me based on what I think is important, mainly activities, I notice 99 percent of them are "athletic and toned." This might make sense because I put such a strong emphasis on being active and loving life... but come on? Really? All of you? This reminded me of a guy I dated in my early 20s. I had just moved to Texas and was living in an apartment. We decided we were going to work out at the gym there, I had been on the treadmill for 30 minutes when he decides to come down. We chat and then he hits the weight machines. Exactly 8 minutes later he comes back to the treadmill to tell me he is done and is going to shower. I know the exact time because I was on the treadmill. Shocked, I decide to end my run and leave with him. When we get back to the apartment this guy, who just completed his 8 minute workout, started to check himself out in the mirror and flex... no doubt, he thought he was "athletic and toned." The last time I saw this guy, we still laughed about that moment.
Is it a guy versus girl thing? Are girls so messed up that they will never think they have hit that top option of "athletic and toned?" But guys are told from a young age they are great and think they have no room for improvement?
I have only gone out with one guy off of this Internet deal... in his defense, he was athletic and toned... but not 5'10". That is a whole other issue...
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